Faster car

14

Meredith was pregnant. The girl he had never quite dated but had shared an amazing month with was pregnant. The word was swirling around in his head as he drove her to the rig. She was pregnant. And it was his and she was keeping it so that meant he was going to be a dad. In about six months, he was going to become a father, which wasn't in his plans at all.

He had wanted to get married and have kids one day, probably once all of this settled down. Right now, his life was crazy. Soon, he'd be at Sebring for the first race of the ALMS series, and if he did well, he was assuming he'd be ask to go to France. And then there was the Grand Prix of Long Beach in April, where he usually drove the Mazda3. He didn't have time for a kid.

His life had been going the way he wanted it to. He was coming along amazingly well in racing and everything and a month ago he had won the race he wanted to win his entire life. He had been on top of the world and everything had been changing and suddenly he was going to be a dad. He didn't want to be a dad. Not now, now he didn't want a baby complicating things. A baby would throw a wrench into everything. He would be expected to be there for all of the big things, and he would want to be there. Kevin himself had called out on a couple races last year when Hillary had been pregnant, especially closer to the end, and Derek was pretty sure he couldn't do that. This was supposed to be the biggest season of his life, and now he might have to call it all off

From the sounds of what Meredith had been trying to say, she was more than willing to give him an out. She had said it was his choice but he had done this. She hadn't gotten herself pregnant and he wasn't going to be the man that walked away from his child. That wasn't how his mother had raised him and he knew he couldn't live with himself if he did. If he did that, he would just spend the rest of this season wondering. He would be sitting in the car in six months and wonder if his baby had been born yet, or what he or she looked like. And then he'd spend the next ten years imagining all the things he was missing out on. He knew himself well enough to know that he couldn't just turn around and walk away from Meredith and his son or daughter

Which meant...he had no idea what it meant, he really didn't know. He figured when he was told he was going to be a father he'd be dancing with joy and kissing his wife and quite possibly undressing her. Except he didn't love Meredith. He liked her a hell of a lot, and he had figured if they had met at a different time he could fall for her but she was an ex...something.

They had slept together for a month. That was all. Except it wasn't all anymore. He hadn't given her much thought over the last three months. It had been a great month, but mostly, he had been worried about his career. He had texted her a couple times, though he hadn't heard from her at all since before Daytona. Which now made sense. And pissed him off. God, it pissed him off.

He got that she must have been freaked out. She was an intern which meant this baby hadn't exactly come at a good time for her either but god damn it, he was the dad. He had just as much in this as she did, and the second she found out she could have texted him. It's not like she didn't know how to get in touch with him. She could have let him know weeks ago. Instead, she had kept in the dark for a month. A whole fucking month. While he had been off testing and screwing around and getting back into the routine of his training, she had been leaned over a toilet, puking her guts up. She had been worrying about this baby, and he had figured he had nothing else to worry about in his life but his racing. She had had no right to keep it from him. He would have wanted to be there, to help her decide things. She had probably gone to appointments, seen the baby and did a whole bunch of other things without him even knowing. This was his baby too. Which was insane but he couldn't get over the fact she had waited this long. And he couldn't help but wonder what she would have done if there hadn't been a race yet.

If this had been in the off season, he might have been stuck waiting for months. Or maybe she would have waited until after she had the baby. And then there was the even scarier option, that he never would have known. If she had decided not to keep it, if she had decided to get rid of it, he never would have known that he had created a life with someone. It was enough to make him as sick as she looked.