Already left in the dust

How long until someone snaps?

Waking up in the couch  I took a feel breath the worlds worst hangover already starting my head pounding.Pushing myself up against the sofa I groaned trying to remember what happens when I finally got home.

I had somehow gotten myself home I couldn't remember much from the rest of that day just a shit load of drinks,weed maybe even cocaine.At least I'm not completely oblivious to what happened yesterday not to bad.

My phone vibrating woke me up a bit I looked at the screen  what the fuck is gadget calling me for it's has to be early. Shielding my eyes from the light I stared at my phone screen "holy it's already 1pm are you joking"

I answered gadgets call I was just a bit curious on why he was talking to me "Deuce you there you haven't picked up for hours you fucker" "shit sorry I was hangover as fuck actually could you not shout my head is gonna explode" I replied my voice still sounding hoarse "yeah whatever but drinking without your crew, you for real? But that's not the point our new live tour is in a month want to hang out before then"
"nah sorry I got plans for the month we have everything set up don't we?" It was a obvious lie my schedule was clear but no bruises healed yet "yeah whatever Deuce see you on tour"

Just like that gadget hung up my screen fading back to black. "Finally peace at least for a minute" I layer my head back against the sofa staring at the ceiling "what do I do now fucks sake you stupid basterd always messing things up for yourself" I could almost feel a tear glide down my cheek no I'm not crying after all I'm not that much of a bitch am I?

Yet their I lay head in my hands curled into a ball under the covers of my bed sure I had gotten up taken a shower took some Advil and water but that didn't mean I felt any less shit.

I was practically sobbing now full blown hysteria but all quietly just my body trembling sometimes choked hiccups forcing their way out my mouth.

                              
                        ꧁ 1 hour later ꧂

It was silent only the gentle hum of the fan in the distance could be heard. I stared ahead of me at the plain white wall I was done with crying now my tears had long dried now it was just me and my brain staring at the wall.

I stared at my phone it was a tempting idea just to cool some more stress off. I grabbed my phone taking it out in the case I stared at the blade in the back of my case a smile tugging at my lips.

I watched as I picked up the blade admiring it then with trembling fingers pressing it against my wrist putting down more and more pressure as it glides through my wrist the blood slowly filling the white cuts for once I smiled holding back more tears threatening to spill. I deserved it in the end didn't I? After all I was a stupid arrogant cocky bastard to the people who took me in.

The blade just sat there on my white bed covers everything now turning a crimson colour from the blood dripping from my wrist the familiar stinging feeling lulling me into a deep sleep.

                     ꧁The next day꧂

"Shit" I mumbled waking up the smell of iron filling my lungs the blood on my blade and wrists was now dried and brown even with my standards this was disgusting.

Pushing myself up from the bed I stumbled towards the bathroom I needed to clean myself  I don't think I have washed once this week I'm a fucking pig.

I stripped closing the shower door behind me turning the water on I put the water all the way to freezing it's better for my cuts and I don't deserve warm water I'm to much of a douchebag to be allowed anything nice.

I cringed this felt horrible but at least I'm clean now even though these cuts sting like bitch I bet I got soap into them.

I wrapped a tower around my waist after drying off putting in some old hoodie that layed on my bed.

Taking a closer look at my hoodie I finally realised where it was from god why did I even keep it.

"Homie want some weed I got plenty to spare" Funny was already smoking classic.
"FUNNY fucks sake we still need to record a bit today" Charlie yelled out his back turned as he searched for his guitar in the studio.
Da Kurlzz just sat behind his drums twirling the drum sticks as he watched the two boys argue in the background.
"Deuce please tell these idiots to shut up I still have a hangover from yesterdays concert" Jdog asked now standing beside me.
"Yeah yeah I will but look at how sick our merch looks I designed it myself" I laughed pointing at the hoodie I was wearing.
"Deuce the merch isn't even released yet bitch but yeah it looks sick man" Jdog said still watching as Funny and Charlie argued.

Fuck I need to stop reminding myself maybe I should just get some sleep, I snapped out my memories laying my head on the pillow the blood stained sheets and fresh cuts still being very much visible.

I sighed this is going to be one hell of a month.

                     ꧁Few weeks later꧂

It was almost the end of the month now nothing had gotten better.so how about a quick update on what happened.

Let's say the guys from HU aren't exactly over me being a douche to them I get the shit beaten out of me anytime I see anyone from the damn band even Da Kurlzz the weakest shit there gets his turn on beating me up.

I don't get how I'm going to fix this up gadget and Yuma are supposed to pick me up to go on tour but I still look like shit.

Sitting up in my bed I lit a cigarette my house looked like shit I looked like shit at least I had finished packing I glanced at the suitcase I tossed in the corner of my room.

"This is going to be one shit tour"