The Lion's Plan. (Chat Noir X OC)

Its all back

I went to work on Monday morning. I always get up around 6 and leave at 6:30. I always say goodbye to Ivy and change her water and get her food before leaving. I left quietly, adrien was still asleep in my bed. I left a note saying I was going to work just in case he panicked when he couldn't find me. I went to get my morning coffee and croissant as always before going in. I just have a little office job for now, I'm trying to create a new line of clothes on my own. Something that'd set off my brand. I wonder if Adrien would model my clothes for me. I wonder if he quit modeling totally..

I didn't really do much work today, things were awfully slow. It gave me time to think and gather my thoughts. I wrote everything I possibly could down. I was going to add all this stuff to that book I wrote, I suppose it's more of a diary now though. God, I wrote for an hour and half just ranting while listening to some soft music.

'I found him again, he tried to kill himself. Chat noir, he used cataclysm and intended to use it on his own body. I wonder how we were able to meet like that. I was just there to clear my head, it was even beginning to rain and at night too!.. I was at the tower when I saw him. I don't know why I ran to save him but I did without a thought. He was far quieter than he's ever been. He hardly said anymore than "you." He was always referring to me.. I tackled him to the ground before he could hurt himself and held down his hand using the cataclysm. I asked why he wanted to die, he said "you." I asked if he would be okay if I left him alone again after this was done and he shook his head no. I asked if he wanted ladybug. He said no. I told him not to hurt himself like this and he agreed and cataclysmed a blade of grass. He transformed back as I talked with him. I told him he could be anything and do anything and asked what he wanted. He said "you." So I took him home, again without thinking.. I made him take a bath so he wouldn't get sick. Somehow we held hands that entire night. The walk home and even while he took a bath. It doesn't feel real. It doesn't feel like that was the Adrien that I used to know. He's surely changed though.. He was lonely, more sad, stuck.. He just wanted someone with him. He wanted me, im not sure how true that is though even if it came from his own mouth.. So I stayed with him. He ended up pulling me into the bath with him. Of course that escalated to the bed.. Though it was nice. I missed having him with me and I liked that new experience. I woke up next to him the next day then fell asleep for a nap and woke up alone. I thought maybe he tried to end it again so I ran out into the rain again looking. I found him and brought him home again. I took a bath this time. I left the bathroom door opened and the bedroom door. He came in and brought me tea but he didn't get close, no, he stayed back. He looked so happy.. I've been stuck in a fog of anxiety since then. He spent the night with me again but it didn't escalate or anything like before.. Now I'm at work pondering what the hell I'm supposed to do.

Has Adrien been stuck on me this whole time? What's his life like now? Did he really kiss ladybug? What happened when my mind was stolen from me? All I saw was his dead face and I got akumatized then saw it again and-.. I tried to kill myself I think. They said i tried.. It's all so fuzzy and I just can't understand what happened or how I made it through my days. I'm hardly trucking along now and its going to be worse with adrien near me.. I wonder if he'll stay.. I wonder how leon and duusu are. I wonder if my friends are okay now. I wonder what happened to Gabriel and the estate. I wonder if everyone hates me or misses me. I wonder if they could ever forgive me.. Most of all, I wonder what i've gained out of this. I saved Paris but I killed every part of myself. I'm glad my mother is finally gone but in the process, grandma died. She died trying to warn me about Adrien, about not being serious. Maybe I understand what that means now after I've lost it all.. I should've never joined their team.. I lost my leg, my heart, most of my soul. I'm so alone. I'm sick and feel worse. I hate who I am. I hate everything about myself.'

That was the end of that page. For some reason, my thoughts stopped there.
At the end of my long day, I left work. I don't drive because I live so close. On my walk home, I met an older woman. She's a beautiful woman of Asian culture. She's about 5'5, so skinny, short hair just above the shoulders with bits of gray mixed in. She was just beautiful. She introduced herself as Vaan, Leon's guardian. I think my heart stopped when she mentioned his name.