A Burning Flame

Everything I Wanted

Yamada's now sat next to him, he's going through social media and Aizawa is just watching. He wants to sleep but he couldn't if he tried. He's fine where he is for now and Yamada seems fine with him watching. In fact, every once in a while he shows him something he finds funny or any cat post he comes across.
They aren't very close but Aizawa's very aware of the distance between them. He noticed that every time Yamada leans over to show him something, he gets slightly closer. Now, Yamada's close to the middle of the bed and he's not sure how much closer he can take.
Yamada checks the time and it's 11:38pm but that's not what gets Aizawa's attention. He sees that his lockscreen is a picture of them from high school. It's a picture they took when they went to the cat cafe for the first time. Aizawa's sat on the floor with a kitten with white paws on his lap and Yamada's crouched next to him holding up a peace sign and smiling. Aizawa notices that he's smiling a bit too.
He points at the screen, "That's your lockscreen?"
Yamada turns to him then looks back, "Oh, yeah! I've had it for ages! It's from first year!"
Aizawa continues to stare at it, "Yeah, I remember. Why, though?"
Yamada stares at it for a moment before answering, "I just like it, that's all! I mean, you look so happy!"
Aizawa looks at him confused, "What? I'm barely smiling."
Yamada still stares at it, "I know but it's more than that! It's more like the look in your eyes, y'know!"
Aizawa watches him as he looks at the photo, he's softly smiling and it's a look he hasn't seen often. If he didn't know any better, he'd say it was loving but he knows he just cares for his friends. He hums with agreement and Yamada closes his phone and turns towards him, "I'm gonna get some rest and you should too! You look exhausted!"
Aizawa nods as Yamada lays down on his back beside him. He decides that it's time to try to sleep so he moves Yamada's hair off his pillow and lays towards him.
———
At least half an hour has passed and Aizawa's barely slept. He's tried his best but he just can't stay asleep for longer than a couple minutes. Yamada's completely knocked out, he's sprawled across the bed and Aizawa's had to push his arm away a couple times. He looks over Yamada's chest to see the night sky; it's a clear night and he can easily see the stars. The moon's also visible and he finds himself staring at it for a while. He reflects on the day he's had and the past few years he's spent with Yamada. He smiles slightly while the beaming moon becomes a blur as his eyes slowly shut and he dozes off.
———
The birds are chirping and the morning sunlight is glistening across the room. Aizawa takes a deep breath before beginning to open his eyes. As he tries to wake up, he becomes more aware of himself. He realises that he's in a bed but that's not all. He opens his eyes and nearly gasps when he finds himself laying against Yamada's chest, resting his arm on his stomach. He begins to recollect the events of last night and understands the situation. His immediate thought is to get the hell off of him but he doesn't want to wake him, making him aware of the situation, and moving off him might do that. He's also still extremely tired and only woke up briefly.
He knows how irrational this decision is but he feels that he's done more than enough irrational things lately so why stop now.
He adjusts his head slightly and gets comfortable, he's decided to stay there and go back to sleep. He'll deal with it when either he or Yamada wakes up. Just before he falls asleep he notices that Yamada has his arm around him, he just thinks of it as another reason not to move.
———
The sun is no longer shining through the window and the sound of cars passing is more common than birds chirping. Aizawa begins to wake up again but Yamada's no longer there. He's still in the same position but the blanket's been pulled over him and he hears someone cooking in the kitchen. He gets up and stretches, looking out the window at the cloudy morning sky. He walks out of the room to the kitchen and finds Yamada cooking breakfast.
Yamada turns to him briefly, "Good morning! I hope I didn't wake you!"
Aizawa yawns, "No, it's fine."
He can't help but wonder if he was hugging him when he woke up. He was in the same position but he could've have just moved. He decides to try and find out.
"Did you sleep alright? I kinda struggled but I was fine after a while." he asks.
Yamada's expression doesn't change, "Yep! I slept great! But I'm in my own home so I guess it's different!"
Aizawa scowls but keeps trying, "You sure I wasn't a pain? I hope I didn't take up too much room or anything."
Yamada continues cooking, "Nope! You were totally fine, don't sweat it!"
Aizawa thinks momentarily then decides to just be as blunt as usual, "I'm sorry I hugged you, I didn't mean to."
Yamada stops cooking and turns towards him. Aizawa's clenching his fists in the hoodie pockets, he should've kept his mouth shut.
Yamada smiles, "I know, don't worry about it! I thought it was really sweet!"
Aizawa sighs in relief as Yamada places the food onto dishes. It's not as much information as he'd like but he'll survive.
Yamada holds out one of the portions, "Hope you like it!"
Aizawa takes it and thanks him as he walks past. He stops and turns back around, "Do you wanna eat in bed?"
Aizawa looks at him blankly for a second then responds, "Sure."
———
They're both sat on the sides of the bed they slept on and Yamada's rambling about anything and everything to Aizawa, as per usual. Yamada also made coffee for the both of them and they already finished both the food and the coffee yet they still sat together, talking about nothing.
It's around 10:30am but neither of them have cared to check the time.
Yamada pauses, "By the way, did you really not mean to hug me?"
Aizawa looks at him in surprise, he didn't expect him to bring it up, "I didn't mean to, really. I'm sorry."
Yamada shakes his head, "No, no, it's totally alright! It's just.." he pauses again, " how'd you know you hugged me? I made sure not to wake you!"
Aizawa looked down as he tried to think of what to say, he decided to tell the truth, "I woke up before you like that but I didn't want to wake you. So I went back to sleep."
He avoided looking at him but he could feel him watching him as he spoke.
Yamada let out a soft laugh, "You really are sweet!"
Aizawa looks up at him with confusion and he elaborates, "You stayed with me all evening because I wanted you to, you hugged me in your sleep and you stayed like that so I wouldn't wake up! Y'know, under that tough guy act, you're a really nice guy, Shouta!"
Aizawa stares at him with wide eyes, he never thought about it that way. He's not sure what to say so he just smiles at him, it's genuine this time.
Yamada returns the look with a wide grin and hugs Aizawa. Catching him so off guard that he falls back onto the bed. He protests and tries to shove him off, kicking at him as Yamada tightens his grip.
Yamada eventually sits up and Aizawa stays laying down. Yamada checks the time and remembers something Aizawa said, "Don't you have to work this morning? It's nearly 11pm!"
Aizawa worries for a moment then lets it go, he doesn't have to work, "No, it's alright. I'm sure crime can sleep for a day."
Yamada looks surprised, "Are you sure? You're always working!"
Aizawa sits up then stands, "Some things are more important."
He takes the empty dishes and walks away, leaving Yamada to make of that what he will.
———
After washing the dishes, he returns to find Yamada asleep with his phone in his hand. He didn't know that he was still so tired. He tries to plan what to do and realises how tired he also is. He decides to get some more rest too, a nap never hurt anyone and he has nothing better to do.
He climbs over Yamada carefully, places his phone under his pillow and tosses the blanket over them both. He lays next to him and begins to fall asleep until he feels a hand grab his. He opens his eyes and sees Yamada, still asleep, holding his hand lightly between them both.
Aizawa goes to move it but decides not to, he doesn't have a good reason why but Yamada was the one who held his hand so who's he to stop him? Instead, he moves their hands higher and moves closer so their hands only just fit between them. At this point, he's too happy to care what's logical and what's not.
———
He wakes up around an hour or two later and they're basically in the same position but he realised that their fingers are interlocked. He couldn't remember them being that way but he just assumed it happened accidentally. He goes to move but when he does, he notices something more: Yamada's other hand is rested on his waist. He finds himself losing his composure again but he's not sure what to do. He can't move or wake him but he's no longer tired enough to sleep. After thinking for a while, he just decides to rest there until Yamada wakes up.
He rests for a few minutes when he hears Yamada yawn and stretch his legs. He waits for him to move so he can get up but as he thinks he's getting up, he feels him pull him against his chest and hug him closer.
Aizawa's at a loss for words, his mind is completely blank. He can't comprehend what just happened. He wonders if he's still asleep, that's the only explanation. He decides to wake up and investigate. He opens his eyes and takes a deep breath as he looks up at Yamada, who looks down at him in return.
They stare at each other for a long moment: a long, awkward moment.
Aizawa decides to break the silence, "Um," he stops and tries to think of something - anything - to say, "what?"
Yamada stays silent but the look on his face says enough, he's embarrassed beyond belief.
Aizawa looks down then back at him, "I don't think this was accidental."
Yamada's still staring at him in shock and neither of them have moved.
Aizawa's too caught up in the moment to think about how he's in this situation or why, he just keeps talking, "I'm not usually the one talking, I don't know what to say. I'd appreciate some help."
A quick silence falls before Yamada speaks up,
"I love you."
Aizawa's heart stops and his eyes widen, he can't believe what he just heard, "Wh..what?"
His voice is shaky, he's never been this nervous in his life; he feels as though he could have a heart attack.
Yamada stammers and begins to look increasingly nervous, Aizawa can feel his hand fidgeting behind his back.
He finally finds his words, "I don't know why I said that, I'm sorry, you just said to say something so I just blurted out whatever came to mind and I don't know why..."
He continued rambling and Aizawa just listened in shock as the man he's hopelessly loved for years holds him close and rambles nervously after telling him he loved him. He's not entirely sure if this is real or not, did he doze off while resting? Is he in a coma? Is he dead? Whilst he searched his mind for rational answers, Yamada continued to ramble. They're both wrecks.
Aizawa gathered his thoughts as much as he could and looked up at Yamada.
He put his free hand over his mouth, "Stop. You love me?"
Yamada nods enthusiastically.
Aizawa can't believe what he just heard, he drops his hand and props himself up so he's no longer having to look up to see him.
He sighs shakily and looks him in the eyes,
"What do you mean? Like, as a friend? I don't understand."
A look of panic creeps onto Yamada's face before noticing Aizawa's waiting for a response, "Um, yeah! But also..." he stops for a while before finding courage, "as more."
Aizawa stares at him dead in the eyes, his expression blank and unchanging. Yamada looks terrified but Aizawa continues to glare, studying his every move.
His expression changes slightly, becoming softer,
"I love you too."
Yamada's eyes widen, he smiles and leaps up to hug Aizawa which he accepts after a second of processing. Yamada falls onto Aizawa but they continue to embrace one another, beginning to laugh with relief as their legs intertwine and they share a moment neither one of them will ever forget.
Yamada pushes away slightly and Aizawa stops laughing but still has a wide smile spread across his face. Yamada kisses his cheek then his forehead and all over his face repeatedly, as if he'd never get the chance again. Aizawa begins laughing again, it was the most he'd laughed in his entire life.
He stops and looks at Aizawa, who's still laughing like a child, he waits for him to stop and kisses him once more on the lips.
They both hold soft smiles as they take in the moment.
Yamada turns onto his back next to Aizawa, who's looking at him lovingly. Never in his entire life would he had guessed that it would come to this; that he'd get everything he wanted. He doesn't know what to say or what to do, he just watches as Yamada stares at the ceiling.
Aizawa finally decides to say something, "So, now what?"
Yamada turns to him and thinks, "Hmm, I dunno! I never really planned this!"
Aizawa nods in agreement and thinks with him, "Maybe things staying the same is for the best. Just the knowledge that we both love each other is enough for me."
Yamada pauses to think about it, "Yeah, I hear ya! I know you hate making a big deal out of things!"
"Then it's settled, we'll keep this to ourselves. I couldn't ask for more." he replies with a slight smile.
Yamada scratches his head and looks to the side, "Can I tell Kayama?"
Aizawa stares at him blankly, "You'd tell her anyway."
Yamada laughs and gets up, "Yep!"
He outstretches an arm and Aizawa grabs his hand, standing up in front of him.
Yamada continues smiling, "Wanna get something to eat?"
Aizawa goes to respond but is interrupted, "As a date!"
His hands tense and he becomes aware that he's still holding his hand, "Yeah, sure."
Yamada's smile grows wider, "We better get ready, then!"
Aizawa nods and looks at his clothes, realising he doesn't have anything casual with him. Yamada notices and walks to his closet, grabbing a pair of black, baggy jeans.
He holds them out, "These are the best I've got, sorry!"
Aizawa grimaces then sighs, "They'll do."
Without hesitation, he takes his trousers off and changes them for the jeans. Yamada doesn't seem to care and just waits in anticipation.
Aizawa pulls on them around his hips, "They're pretty snug here but it's tolerable."
As he bends his legs and tries to get used to the fit, Yamada gets changed next to him. Surprisingly, Aizawa isn't so nervous anymore, in fact, he's completely at ease.
He sits on the bed as he waits for Yamada, who turns to him and asks, "How do I look?"
He poses and Aizawa looks him up and down, debating whether to give his honest opinion or a sarcastic remark.
"Good."
Honesty is always best, right?
Yamada's face turns red as he hurries out the room, "Cool, thanks!"
Aizawa goes to follow him out but stops by his clothes, "Hey, wait. Should I bring these with me and you can drop me off after?"
Yamada turns around and looks at the clothes then back at him, "But what if you decide to stay another night?"
Aizawa grows confused, "Why would I do that?"
Yamada rubs the back of his neck and looks away, "Uhh, I don't know maybe you'll just want to for whatever reason or something like that..."
He trails off and his speech becomes incoherent.
Aizawa stays confused for a few seconds before his intentions become clear and he feels his heart beat heavier.
He decides to play dumb, he couldn't possibly deal with that now, "Um, okay. I'll leave them here and pick them up later, then."
Yamada sighs with relief and Aizawa follows him out the door and to the car. As he walks by Yamada's side and feels the warmth of the new spring hug his body, he realises that maybe letting your emotions fault your rationality is sometimes for the best.