Something To Talk About

Chapter six

The GLAAD Media Awards in early April were Karina's first public event since the SAGs. She wouldn’t be bringing Winter, obviously. She considered getting Yeji to fly out from New York, but then Karina would be labeled a lesbian and a slut, probably, so it wouldn’t have been the best choice.

The GLAADs weren’t as bad as other awards shows. They weren’t considered as prestigious, which helped, Karina thought. Made them more bearable. But it was more than that—being in a room with so many young, open, proud people, it made Karina's heart ache a little, in a good way. She still wasn’t publicly out—no matter what gossip magazines said about Winter and her. She wrote queer people into her shows and she let people speculate, but, as her publicist kept reminding everyone, she had never commented on her love life. She’d considered it once, when she was nineteen. She came out to her parents first.

Her mom told her to think of her career. Her father told her they were never going to speak of it again.

And so she hadn’t, not really. She was, for the most part, okay with that. But then she went to the GLAAD awards and saw young women holding hands, and her heart ached.

Regardless, she’d be going alone.

Except for the rumors, the SAGs were the best awards show Karina had been to in years. Prep went smoothly, they arrived late enough that she skipped interviews, and the food was delicious. Winter hadn’t simply been a buffer—she had been entertaining in and of herself. And Karina hadn’t ended the evening exhausted and longing for sleep; she’d ended it smiling as they dropped Winter off at her apartment building.

Karina wanted the GLAADs to be similar, wanted to enjoy them. But everything reminded her of the SAGs. As Giselle and Ningning put her together, as she walked the red carpet, Karina thought of Winter. It didn’t help that both her prep team in the suite and the photographers at the event kept asking after Karina's “girlfriend.”

She tried to let it roll off her, tried to keep a smile on her face. With no buffer, she had to talk to anyone who came by, but it was fine—it was; she swore the GLAADs were better than other ceremonies. Tonight they simply took more mental energy than she had.

And then, when Karina was almost at her breaking point, when she wanted to go home, NEXT LEVEL won for Outstanding Drama Series, and she had a speech to give.

The whole cast came onstage with her. Karina accepted the award and stepped up to the microphone, everyone still hugging behind her.

She had a speech planned. They’d won this three years running now; she came prepared. She had a list of people to thank.

She didn’t.

“This is my favorite awards show,” she said instead. “This is the award I will always be proudest to win. I write fiction, but these are real stories. These are important stories.”

These are our stories, she thought but did not say as people applauded. This wasn’t about her, not really.

“There are plenty of people who work on our show who I could thank, but I want to thank you,” Karina said. “Thank all of you, for being so strong in the face of a world that sometimes seems like it would rather you not exist. Thank you for being proud in the face of people who think you should be ashamed. Thank you for being here, in this world. For surviving. You are an inspiration.”

Everyone congratulated her again as they left the stage together, hugs and high fives and big grins.

Karina wished Winter were there.

_

Congratulations on the win,” Winter said as she handed Karina her coffee the Monday following the GLAADs.