Western Flame

Chapter 28

Author note: Sex scenes in this chapter

Tanner's words hit her chest like a brick. Liana stopped breathing, the response of "what?" croaking out like a frog. She didn't believe it. It was an excuse, it had to be.

"Why the fuck would he say that? That's terrible!" she exclaimed.

He shrugged. "I was sure he was punishing me for something. I lost my fucking mind, and panicked because I'd just lost mom and... I..."

"You didn't want to lose him too," Liana murmured. That was a nightmare to think about and her heart hurt just thinking about the absolute mindfuck he must have had standing at the graveside, her holding his hand.

"So I broke up with you, stopped my college applications the day after her funeral, and—"

"Did what he asked," Liana finished for him, sitting back, absorbing what he had said. "Oh my God, Tanner."

It made everything different. The hidden hurt as he'd sat on his side of the truck, in his wrinkled suit, staring out the window, not even able to look at her. The distance he'd put between them like a knife slicing down. It had been abrupt and emotionless for him. Or so she had thought.

"But afterwards, why didn't you come to me? Why didn't you stand up to him, or tell me, or fight for me?" she asked.

"I didn't know how," he said. "The ranch took all of me and I had no fight left when it was said and done. I tried, but after a while, pride and wanting to make sure I made my Dad happy took over."

Liana shuffled in closer to him as he stopped talking and let out a breath. This was stupid hard for him, she could see that. "You've never said anything, all these years, just shut yourself away from everyone, to please that man. Everyone talked about how hard you became."

"I had to survive."

"That's messed up, Tan," she replied.

Tanner didn't respond to that, just hung his head. Liana pulled his hands into her lap. This was a really big deal, and her tantrum not even five minutes before felt childish. She wouldn't apologise for it though. Those feelings were real, and he needed to know how much it had hurt, especially if what they were leaping into was more than just a roll in the hay.

"It's been twelve, almost thirteen years. Why now? Why'd you keep this to yourself? All that time, the glares, ignoring me in public. Sometimes I honestly wondered why you hated me so much."

"I hated myself," he said, his voice barely audible. "I didn't deserve you, and you didn't deserve a man who couldn't fucking think for himself."

"Fuck that Tanner, you think for yourself all the time, don't you dare throw the pity card!" she said, frustrated with him, and she shoved his shoulder.

"Wasn't that cut and dry," he replied. "When Dad died, I was so damned mad. He left me with nothing to show for what I put aside for him. I looked over my life and there were cattle and horses and the ranch, and then that was taken away. That was it."

"I would have understood," she added in and he gave her a strained look.

"There was no going back to you, not after what I'd done. It hurt like hell every time I saw you, so I'd always just pushed you away, and I avoided it the only way I'd been taught to, thinking that would solve the problem."

Liana didn't know what to say to that. How many times had she winced when he'd snapped out a "Liana" and left, or nodded and kept right on going. She'd tried for years to move past him, thinking his heart had just simply changed. But the heartbreak had always been there between them. It hurt that he didn't tell her, that he hadn't trusted enough to confide in her.