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THE DAILY BUGLE
J. Jonah Jameson, Editor-in-Chief February 16th, 2024 _________________________________________
MANIAC. MENACE. MYSTERY. MAGIC. The Blip had not slowed down the mystical masked marauder, Illyris. Once a petty vigilante who dangled with impunity over our city streets, she expanded her reach globally—without a permit, might I add— and takes the law into her own fiery hands. She flies around on scaly beasts she birthed into the world by the name of Rhaenerys Valaryen. You know, the Valaryens? The pretentious, fire-fiending family of terrorizing aristocrats who believe they come from dragonlords?
Looks like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Only now, Rhaenerys is far more egregious and dangerous than the Mad Dragon. With an army of foreign savages and her destructive dragons, she tramples the world and judges its people with an iron fist. She has played her hand in the criminal underworld. It was how she stole her sword-swinging bloodthirsters in the first place, letting them roam free to do her evil bidding! She's carbonized criminal underworlds, incinerated crime rings, and broiled piracy organizations. Men have disappeared without so much as ashes left behind, adding fuel to the flame of her ambition.
Sure, she's an angel sent from above. The Angel of Death, that is. Soon, if we don't bow, she will break us until we do.
Will the deadly Dragon Queen take responsibility for the atrocious vandalism and destruction of property her powers and arms have left smoking in her wake? Ha! Don't make me laugh!
The Mother of Magic marches to the beat of her own drum, labeling herself as Maegya and proving without a doubt that the Sovrani people yearn to rise above the rest of the world. It was her own father's aspirations, leading him to spill innocent blood for his own maniacal pursuits. Who's to say she will not finish what he started? Will she spare the innocents in her fiery rampage? Fat chance!
Rhaenerys Valaryen wears a mask because she refuses to answer for her "good and justified" actions. She keeps her identity hidden because she views herself as above international law. But if the Constitution doesn't forgive those who levy war against our nation, why would we continue to let a foreign magician decide who is saved and who is guilty?
Dear reader, join me in this call to the silver-haired she-dragon:
Rhaenerys Valaryen, we are the public, and we will be YOUR judge and YOUR jury. Call the tip line, folks. Let the Mad Witch know you're watching.
