𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐘, 𝐌𝐄 | dear evan hansen oneshots (HIATUS)

how do i tell her? [murphy siblings]

TW: Abstract mentions of drug usage and profanity.

A light, uncertain knock sounded at her door. Zoe huffed, knowing exactly who was outside. Her brother had become all too predictable nowadays. She hardened her resolve. 

From the other side, his hesitant voice called out. "Zo?" 

"Don't call me that," she spat. "I hate it when you call me that."

It hurt more than Connor bothered to admit. "Zoe, please... I'm sorry, for whatever I did."

"You're sorry?" She scoffed bitterly, venom poisoning her every word. "For what? For screaming at me? For telling me I'm the family burden? For pounding on my door at 2 am and threatening to break in? For never once being there for me when I needed you?"

Then, as abruptly as her anger came, it disappeared.

Silence. 

Thought it wasn't over. Far from it, in fact. Connor had learned that the hard way. 

"You hurt me," Zoe's muffled voice said. "So many times that I've lost track."

Her voice sounded so fragile, seemingly always on the verge of shattering.

And as much as he wanted to deny the accusations, he couldn't. "I know. And I'm sorry-"

"Sorry doesn't cut it!" Her voice turned harsh once more. Furious. Unforgiving. "You can't just apologize for years' worth of damage and expect me to instantly forgive you!"

"That's not what I'm expecting!" Connor yelled back, glaring at his sister's shut door that seemed to taunt him, mock him, about how far they'd drifted. "And I can't. I know I've hurt you, and I know I've missed many of your significant milestones." 

He wanted to keep talking, to prove to her he isn't the monster she thinks she knows. But words failed him, and there was nothing he could say. 

Her voice was quiet again. Vulnerable. Disappointed. "What do you even know about me? It's been so long since we've even had a civil conversation. You barely notice me, and when you do, it's always when you're high."

Hand on the doorknob, Connor's eyes softened. In his mind, however, a sweet and simple melody began to materialize. And unconsciously, he began to sing. "Well... I think, there's nothing like your smile, sort of subtle, and perfect, and real."

Behind the door, Zoe set down her pencil and listened.

"I think, you never knew how wonderful that smile could make someone feel. And I know, whenever you get bored, you scribble stars on the cuffs of your jeans."

In the brief silence, every laugh they'd shared replayed in their minds.

"And I've noticed that you still fill out the quizzes that they put in those teen magazines. But I kept it all inside my mind. What I saw, I left unsaid."

A bittersweet smile graced his lips. "And though I wanted to, I couldn't talk to you. I hadn't found a way... but I would always say, 'If I could tell her, tell her everything I see. If I could tell her, how she's everything to me.'"

He was pleasantly surprised when another voice joined his, beautifully adding an accompanying harmony. "But we're a million worlds apart. And I don't know how I'd even start."

"If I could tell him..."

Zoe's door opened and Connor found himself in her embrace. He hugged her back just as tightly.

Their relationship wouldn't return to how it had been years prior anytime soon. Too much damage had been dealt. But she had given him another chance, one he wouldn't trade for the world.

At long last, they were finally reconnecting.

He'd missed his closest confidante.

And she'd missed her best friend.