Sofía

Telling her

The italics are Sofía's thoughts.

February 20th, 2014. Paris, France.

Sofía's pov:
I've been standing in front of the mirror, talking to myself, practicing, for the last 30 minutes.

I'm telling her. I'm finally telling her.

I searched on google about the subject, and about the people that belong to that big group. About how they are, how they act and how they are perceived by society.
I would've gone to the library but that's not possible since it's far away from where we live her in France. If I asked Mama to take me, she would've found out what I was searching.

The more I read about it, the more I realized that I've always been like this. I may have only noticed it recently, but it's not something new.

I almost always preferred different character than the other people. Always felt the ones they liked were ugly or weird looking. But I also now notice, that a lot of the other people don't like the character I like, so does that mean I'm in the wrong? Or that I'm weird? Not in a good way.

I know Mama has always been open about the subject, and she has always told me that it's normal and it's simply how some people are, and there is not wrong with it. Everyone is different in their own way, and that's what makes us unique.
But it doesn't feel like that always, and not with everyone.

There's some people that are mean and ignorant because they choose to be like that. They don't care about expanding their knowledge, about learning new things. They prefer staying as conservative as people from the 1700's, or even worse, what do I know.

What if her opinion changes when it comes to me been part of that group? She has always been supportive and I know she'll always be, but what if there's a small chance she doesn't?

I don't like feeling like this, or thinking about her that way, but I can't help it, and I can't seem to quiet that voice in my head that all it does it's doubt. But I have to try to quiet it, so all I can do is talk to her, tell her, and that voice will shut up.

I'm doing it.

I got out of my room and walk to the living room, that's were she said she would be.

I get there and I see her laying on the couch reading one of her books. She seems very focused since she hasn't notice I'm standing in front of her. Awkwardly standing in front of her.

~Mama?~ I shyly ask.
~Mhm. Oh, hi baby. What's up?~ she says, marking the page of the book and closing it, putting it on the coffee table in front of her.
~Can I talk to you?~ I ask sitting next to her.
~You can always talk to me. What is it?~ she says snuggling closer to me.

~You promise to not get mad? Or disappointed? And promise tk not stop loving me?~ I fidget with my fingers, nervously, without looking at Mama.
~Sofí, no matter what you do, no matter what you tell me, I will never, never, be disappointed of you. And will never stop loving you. I promise~ She seriously says, holding my chin up so I'm looking her eyes, and she at mine.

~I... mmm~
~Whatever it is, if you are not ready, you don't have to tell me sweetie. Take your time. I can wait~
~No, I want to tell you~ I say, and she just nods.

~I think I like someone, someone from school. Remember Willow? I think I... like her~ I say a little bit fast, trying to just get it out. There a small second of silence that feels to long.
~Yes, I think I remember her, she's the one with brown hair and glasses right? She's cute~ Mama says with such normality.

~You're not mad?~ I say looking up.
~Why would I Sofí?~
~Because I like a girl, and not a boy~ I feel tears threatening to fall.
~Sofí what have I always told you?~
~...~
~I do not care if you like or date a girl, a boy, or a table, or anything else that's in between. As long as you are happy and healthy, I'm happy my love.
If you like girls, I'm glad you are finding and discovering who you are, that's amazing~ she says while putting me on her lap, facing her.
~Thank you~ I whisper, letting tears fall and putting my her on her chest.

~I will always support you in whatever you want and need, anything. You wanna jump from a plane, I'll probably have to get drunk k a little bit first, but I'll be there, on the ground, waiting for you. You want to quit acting and have a different career, I'll be there by your side. You want to date a girl, when you are old enough to, I'll be there making sure she makes you happy. I'll always be there for you~ she laughs.
~I love you Mama~ starting to cry more, but now out of happiness.
~I love you too my baby wormy~

We stay in silence for some minutes, embracing each other. Mama gently strocking my head, humming a Jewish lullaby, on eof my favorites.

~Can I know how you realized you like girls?~ she asks out of nowhere.
~I prefer Hermione over every single male character from Harry Potter, and no one else does. The same thing happens with Phineas and Ferb and basically any princess movies~ I say, which is all completely true, why does no one prefer Isabella or Vanessa over Jeremy?
~Oh, yeah. I've noticed that during all this years~

~You have?~
~Yes, I have. Now that you have confirmed it, I've known that you like girls maybe since you got adopted. Your enormous love for RuPaul's drag race kinda gave you away~
~So you knew and you didn't tell me? Why didn't you tell me woman?~I say playfully punching her shoulder.
~You needed to realize by yourself. And you did, you are 10 years old and you found out on your own. That is something to be incredibly proud of. I wish I knew that when I was you age, but I was still trying to understand how to do divisions with three numbers~

~So when Grand-Bubby says I'm way smarter for school than you were, she isn't kidding?~
~Are you saying I'm dumb little girl?~
~No I'm not, just saying you used to be~
~Oh you didn't ~ she says and she starts tickling me, making me squirm uncontrollably.

I try to run away but she is not letting me, she is holding me tight. Not that I would be able to actually move since I'm extremely ticklish. But surprisingly, I do manage to get out of her embrace, and I run, as fast as I can.

~Sofía Meztli Johansson, do not try to hide. Come here~ she threatens, running trying to catch me.
~Ahhhhhh! Help!~ I scream.

Hi

I was so excited for this chapter, you have no idea. I was going to wait to write it until Sofía was older, but I think seeing that a kid can know about their sexuality is something important.

I hope you like it and remember love is love and you should be proud of who you are 💜

Stay safe <3