After the Rain- Josh Kiszka

Chapter 5- Playing Matchmaker (Part 1)

Life seemed to slow down after Lina was born, and it had allowed me to finally breathe, which is something that I had been so very grateful for. I fell in to the position of motherhood seamlessly, and although it was hard at times I knew that it was all worth it, and she was worth it. The beautiful little girl that I had the honor to care for gave me a newfound purpose— she was and continues to be the push I needed to keep moving forward.

Most nights Teagan would come over and help with Lina's dinner and bedtime routine, and then sometimes we would hang out for a bit afterwards. Tonight, Teagan had brought over some Chinese food for the two of us, since Chris was out of town until Thursday on a work trip. 

After we had finished putting Lina to bed, we made our way back to the kitchen to have dinner for ourselves. As we ate, we recounted the events of both of our days and kept each other updated on the daily gossip in our lives— not that I had much of my own, given that there were things way more interesting to discuss than the fact that Lina had grown a new tooth.

After dinner, I rinsed the dishes and ran the dishwasher as Teagan plopped down on the couch and turned on the TV. She wasn't much of a TV watcher, but she hated not having some sort of noise in the background, so I knew that she wasn't really set on paying attention to whatever program she had put on. My prediction was confirmed when she shifted her attention toward me as I walked into the living room.

"Soooo, come sit." She instructed, patting the space next to her on the couch. I eyed her expectantly, knowing the the sudden change in her demeanor meant that she had something on her mind.

"What is it? Spill." I said, having a seat next to her.

"What do you mean? I just want my best friend to sit next to me." She said, trying her best to conceal a smile.

"Yeah right, Teags, I know you have something on your mind. What's up?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Okay, fine. You know me too well." She sighed in defeat. "Okay, so, Chris introduced me to this band not too long ago, and I've really gotten into some of their music." She began. "Well it turns out, Mikey used to play club golf with the drummer of the band growing up. They're having a kind of intimate concert this Friday and we're all going to go!" She said. I could feel the excitement radiating off of her.

"That's awesome! It sounds like you guys will have a lot of fun." I offered, not entirely sure where she was going with this. She knew that I wouldn't be able to go given that I had to stay home with Lina.

"Celine, come on." She huffed, rolling her eyes. "You're included in this too, the fourth ticket would be for you."

"I'm sure you could find someone else to go with you guys. What about Tom?" I countered, yet feeling slightly guilty for deflating her excitement.

"Forget Tom! Mikey wanted the fourth ticket to be for you." She said wiggling her eyebrows and swatting my arm.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, uncertain of what she was implying.

"Oh come on Celi, it's so obvious that Mikey likes you. He's always over here, offering to help you with stuff around the apartment, and he asks about how you are frequently." Teagan stated matter of factly.

"That doesn't mean anything" I brushed it off. "Mikey is nice and he's just a good friend. Just because he helps me out sometimes does not mean that he's into me." I shrugged.

"Celine, if you truly believe that, which I don't think you do, you're blind. He's so in love with you, hon." I blushed at the insinuation.

There was no way Mikey was romantically interested in me, and if he was I certainly didn't know how to feel about it. I had a baby to think about, and pursuing someone romantically would only overcomplicate things. I don't have time for a love life, I tried to convince myself.

Teagan ignored my silence and kept talking. "Other than the fact that he makes it glaringly obvious with his actions, he also may have sort of mentioned having a crush on you to Chris."

"What?!" I exclaimed. I didn't know how to feel, on the one hand I was flattered, because it had been years since anyone had had any sort of interest in me in that way, but on the other I felt a nervous pit in my stomach that I couldn't quite place.

"Don't say anything. I wasn't even supposed to know, or tell you for that matter, but you know I can't keep things from you." She added frantically.

"Teagan, you know I have Lina to worry about. I don't have time to entertain the idea of a love life, I have responsibilities to attend to. And trying something with Mikey could ruin our friendship and overcomplicate things." I stated plainly.

Sure, Mikey was a great friend and I enjoyed spending time with him, but I had never even considered him in the realm of romantic interest— or anyone for that matter since having Lina. That being said, I hadn't really put myself out there that much to even explore that avenue to begin with. It just wasn't a productive use of my time, so I dismissed the proposal that Teagan had made.

"Celine, I'm not saying you have to jump into a relationship with him... it's just one date it doesn't mean anything. What's holding you back anyway?" She said, waiting expectantly for my response.

What was holding me back? It wasn't like I had to worry about revealing the fact that I am a mother to Mikey, he's was practically at the delivery for goodness sake, which would usually be the initial challenge when starting things with someone new. He adored Lina, so that wasn't the issue. Why couldn't I bring myself to be spontaneous and say yes to a simple date with him? The pit that had manifested at the mention of Mikey's crush grew as I tried to ignore the real reason why I was so hesitant in regards to a romance with him.

Rationally, I could not come up with a logical explanation, but often times the heart is not one for logic. The small voice in my head clung to a single 'what if?'  that prevented me from moving forward. 

What if I rekindle with Josh? 

It was an absurd question that no reasonable person would entertain. I had not a single form of communication with Josh since that night a year and a half ago, yet for some reason it was this very hypothetical— that tugged on my heartstrings— that I just couldn't shake.

I fidgeted with my hands as Teagan raised her eyebrows in front of me. Almost as if she could read my mind she said, "You better not be holding out for some odd hope that Josh is just going to come waltzing back into your life..." accusation painted on her face.

"No, I, uh, just don't want to lead Mikey on or anything. I'm not ready to get back into dating just yet." I lied. I didn't like being dishonest with Teagan, but the truth was fair more embarrassing, so I spared us the awkward conversation.

"I just think it would be worth it to go to the concert with all of us, it doesn't even have to be a date, you two can go as just friends. I asked Millie to babysit for you and she said she could stay the night here, so you don't have to worry about leaving Lina behind. You deserve to take a night off and have some fun for once." She said with a reassuring smile, as she patted my knee.

I closed my eyes and sighed, considering the idea in my head. I knew that Lina would be safe under the care of Teagan's younger sister, so that put my mind at slightly at ease. And, it would be nice to have just one night of fun for once... 

"Fine, I'll go." I caved. "Only if you tell Mikey that it's not a date, and I just want to go as friends." I said, watching Teagan's smile grow with realization at my response.

"Ugh, thank God. I'm going to make sure that you have the best night." She promised. 

A promise that had felt oddly similar to one she had made a year and a half ago.

And with that, I felt an odd feeling of joy. Despite how much I had grown and matured in order to adapt to my new responsibilities as an adult in the corporate world, and as a mother, I was still young, at a youthful twenty-three. For the first time in a long time, I had finally felt my age, and I was ready and excited to take advantage of this rare opportunity.