After the Rain- Josh Kiszka

Chapter 19- Sleep on it

*Celine's POV*

It had been about a half hour since Josh had left after hearing the news, and I was starting to spiral.

Where had he gone? When would he be back? How does he feel about all of this?

Questions raced through my mind as I paced the bedroom. I didn't think that he would just leave me here, regardless of how upset he was with me. That being said, I couldn't be alone in this room any longer, it was only fueling my anxiety.

I turned on my phone to call Teagan to see if she could come get me, but much to my dismay, there was no cell service. I left the room and stepped outside the bed-and-breakfast hoping to get at least one bar so I could make a phone call. I tried dialing, but each time the call would drop.

Finally, on the third try, the call kept ringing and it finally it went through.

"Teags, thank god you picked up. I- I really need you right now. How's Lina?"

"She's fine, Millie came over and has been keeping an eye on her for a bit." Teagan said nonchalantly, oblivious to the panic in my tone.

"Oh, okay, good. Well, I need you to pick me up." I stated, eyeing the door anxiously, half hoping to see Josh walk through at any moment, and half hoping that he wouldn't, so that I didn't have to face him so soon.

"What?" She asked, clearly confused as to why I was calling her in such distress.

"I- I need you to give me a ride home." I reiterated.

"Celine, I don't have time. I'm working on a proposal for work." She said, clearly not grasping the severity of the situation.

"Teagan, it's serious." I pleaded.

She sighed before conceding, "Alright, alright— Millie I gotta go pick up Celine, are you okay here with Lina?"

"Yeah," I heard Millie answer from the background.

"Thank you, I'm sorry, I owe you." I said expressing my gratitude, knowing that it was a rather inconvenient demand.

"No, no, it's okay. What're friends for?" She laughed, seemingly out of shock.

I let out a laugh, relieved that I had a friend like her, who was willing to come through despite the disruption to her schedule.

"Thank you, I'll see you in a bit." I said, hoping to convey my appreciation for her.

"Bye."

I made my way back to the room and began to pack up my things. Once I had everything in order, I took the notepad and pen off the nightstand and decided to write a note to Josh. I knew I wouldn't have service to send him a text before I left, and I wanted to make sure he knew that I wasn't leaving without saying goodbye.

'Josh,

I wanted to give you some space, so I decided to go back home. I'm sorry for keeping this from you, but I hope you can understand why I waited to tell you. Please call me whenever you're ready. I love you.

Talk soon,
Celine'

I left the note on top of Josh's duffle bag to ensure that he wouldn't miss it. I took my things and left to wait outside for Teagan to come and pick me up. I wanted to avoid having a potential run-in with Josh before I had the chance to leave.

After about an hour or so I saw Chris's car pull down the winding path that led to the bed-and-breakfast. I got up from my post on the curb and put my belongings into the back seat before joining Teagan up front.

"Hi, thank you for rescuing me." I laughed, trying to make light of the slew of emotions that was churning inside of me, as I climbed into the passenger seat.

"What was so important that I had to come all this way?" She asked, clearly not thrilled to have to participate in my antics.

"Josh found out the truth." I sighed.

"That's good at least there are no secrets between the two of you. How did you go about telling him?" She asked, clearly pleased with the fact that I had finally told him the news.

"I didn't," I said, catching a judgmental eyebrow raise from Teagan as she kept her eyes on the road. "Well, I was planning on telling him today, on the ride home, so it wouldn't ruin the rest of our trip..." I began. "But then, while I was getting ready this morning, he saw my tattoos,"

"So?" She replied flippantly.

"So, he recognized them from that night, and realized we had met before." I explained, growing a little impatient at how apathetic she was to a very serious and personal situation.

"Ouch, how'd he take it?" She grimaced, sensing that what I had told her was not the best possible scenario for him to learn of the circumstances.

"Not well. Obviously, he's very upset. I haven't seen him since, and that was almost two hours ago." I said, anxiously twisting one of the rings on my finger.

"So, you think it's a good idea to just escape without leaving a trace or having a real conversation with him?" She asked, raising an eyebrow and glancing at me briefly.

"He said he wanted space! And... I left a note." I said, trying to defend myself.

I knew I had a tendency to run away from my problems, and that Teagan was calling me on it, but I also had wanted to be respectful of Josh's boundaries. This was so much all at once for any person to find out about, let alone the person who shared half the stake in my daughter's conception. I was willing to give him all of the time and space that he needed. All that I could do at this point was sit back and pray that he would come back to me.

"Right, just a casual 'hey sorry you just found out that you're actually my baby daddy, gotta run though, talk soon! ' note will do the trick." Teagan chimed in facetiously.

My face grew hot with embarrassment at the fact that I had genuinely signed the end of my note with 'talk soon', but Teagan didn't need to know that. I folded my arms and looked out the window, wanting to be home with Lina as soon as possible. She sensed that she had upset me and rubbed my arm to soothe me in some capacity, but I shrugged it off, not wanting any comfort.

I just wanted for things to go back to the way they were, and to forget all of this— before Josh and I became a couple, before we worked together, and before we had even been reacquainted; things were just so much simpler back then, when it was just me and Lina against the world.

I rested my head against the window and closed my eyes, mentally and emotionally exhausted, allowing myself to fall asleep. My sleep was dreamless, and when we finally arrived back at the apartment complex, I felt even more tired than I had before dozing off. We went up to Chris's unit in silence and I collected Lina and her things, saying thank you to Millie and Teagan for all of their help before heading back home. 

I put Lina to sleep in her crib and I went to my room and flopped onto my bed. I checked my phone for what felt like the thousandth time today— hoping to see Josh's name light up the screen, with no avail. I sighed and squeezed my eyes shut. 

Was there really any way I could've avoided such a mess?  I asked myself, but I wasn't too sure. 

I had convinced myself that regardless of how I had delivered such a story, Josh would have still walked away, and it truly stung thinking about it. I powered my phone off and put it in the top drawer of my nightstand, this would be a problem to worry about later. I got under the covers and tried to will myself to go to sleep with little success, as my mind flooded with memories of Josh. I was truly in so much emotional pain, but there was absolutely nothing I could do except sit and wait.