𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐨 𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮,𝐢 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐥𝐲 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐢𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐨𝐰𝐧
We split up at the subway station. He pulled me to him with my back pockets and kissed me as other New Yorkers pushed past us. I broke away hearing a phone click a picture of us. He kissed me on my forehead. "It's us Cara." He whispered into my temple. "I'll see you tonight?" He asked correcting my shirt collar. I nodded and kissed him one more time.
Walking through East Village over to my sister Lucy's apartment I watched as the world around me had no care for who I was. I got to breathe freely.
Until I turned a corner to find paparazzi lining the pavement outside of an Italian restaurants terrace. There sat a man I did not expect to see, he looked up as soon as I was in vision. He was hard to miss in a bright orange cardigan and suit trousers. I could almost hear his bracelets chime together when he wiped his mouth when he saw me.
"Harry." I nodded to him when he stood up.
His eyes assessed my appearance. Dishevelled hair and makeup smudged on. Not quite the classy look you want to present when seeing your cheating ex.
"Cara." His mouth splitting into a wary smile. Not quite sure how he was allowed to act.
I looked over his shoulder to see his manager and personal assistant still sat, a little confused.
"Hey." I greeted them, shaking their hands. Odd to act like we were all strangers.
"Cara, it's so good to see you!" His personal assistant Meg got up to hug me. She sounded genuine and I couldn't help but be too.
"It's been a long while huh." I laughed awkwardly.
"Yeah, yes it has! How are you?" She anxiously laughed back, looking for a millisecond at Harry's reaction.
"I'm great." I looked straight at her. Harry stuffing his hands into his pockets. His frame leaning backwards and forwards.
"And you?" I asked as politely out of British courtesy.
"Oh yeah you know, the same - busy." She paused and let the uncomfortable pause create a cringing silence. "Won't you join us?" She asked.
I looked to Harry and his shameful eyes. "Yes, yes please come sit!" He gestured a bit too enthusiastically to an empty seat.
"I would," I lied, "but I'm really in a rush." I sent daggers to Harry and his pathetic pretty sheepish smile. "You know sister things." I looked to Meg.
"Well, how about we get lunch sometime soon then?" She responded, giving me a goodbye hug.
"Yeah, that'd be lovely." I smiled back, only faltering when I saw the man still stood at an awkward distance to me.
"It's really good to see you Cara." He grinned - again sheepishly.
"Yep, you too. Well see you guys." I grimaced at Harry and walked away.
Finally I got to escape how self-aware I was of how I looked when I reached Lucy's.
I buzzed up to hear a lot of shrieking on the other end.
"Cara!" She flung herself at me.
"What's up?" I laughed smelling her honey scented hair.
"Just got booked for Calvin Klein!" She screamed. I entered the apartment to hear Mr Styles voice of Watermelon Sugar singing into the stuffy August air.
She immediately rushed to the record player scratching the needle off. "Um, sorry about that." She laughed.
"No problem." I shook my head dumping my bag onto her table. "The moving van should be here in a couple minutes so..." I looked around at her living room filled with books and clothes thrown around the sofa.
"Oh, oh!" She looked at the display of female adolescence: "you'll be in here!" She swung open the door to her old flat mates room.
It was bright and open. Not too big and not too small. It was just right.
A double bed opposite the huge window and fire escape. By the time I moved in all my things, my extravagantly large mirror that I found at a flea market in Paris. A large chest of drawers that I rescued from the dump and my duvet and quilt from home. We sat on my bed together with two glasses and a bottle of rosé.
"You know I really shouldn't be letting you drink." I giggled, "you're not twenty one."
"Oh come on, that's dumb I'm nineteen now."
I rolled my eyes. "Still."
"You were going to the pub since you were sixteen Cara."
"Yeah at least I had the dignity of a fake ID."
Now she rolled her eyes at me and slapped hers out of her bag, "see!"
"Miss Pamela Cherrywood?" I laughed. "Seriously?"
"Hey you can't judge - Mary Hollow!" She gestured with a glass at my old fake name: I know I'm not proud of it either.
"That's different I found mine on the bus!"
"Hmmm." She chuckled scrolling through her phone. "Cara!" She yelled. "What the fuck!"
She thrust her phone in my face. And there it was, embarrassing proof of my awkward run in with Harry - plastered all over TMZ.
"Harry and Cara: back together?"
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
