𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐲,𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐲,𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲,𝐲𝐨𝐮.
So there we were, together, the next night - exiting a blacked out car holding hands walking into the Irving Plaza.
T got out first and I heard the shrill tone of screams from fans and paparazzi until he made his way over to my door and the world went quiet.
It was as if every breathe had been caught around us as he opened the door for me, reached out his hand and helped me out. I looked into my man's eyes and it was a sight to behold.
I had never imagined that I would be loved the way that I knew he did in that moment. Desire and pride and pure ecstasy crackling from his fingertips into my veins as he quickly adjusted the skirt of my provocative dress, his hands holding my hips.
"Hey Cara," he whispered just for me to hear - a precious little gift, "we made it." He smirked and I laughed. We just couldn't help it. In that moment I knew that we really had come so far.
There was no fear, no anxiety.
He was mine, and I was completely and utterly his.
"Hmm." I hummed back to him, giddy with adrenaline. "Glad you picked out this dress?" I smirked back. Walking ahead of him slightly until I found him pull me back by his side and secured his hand at the nape of my neck.
I could feel his protective side sneak out as he walked ahead of me holding me to his side and shielding us with his other.
Once inside the venue and escorted into a vip balcony seating area he stopped me, pushing us up against a velvet wall hidden by a curtain from the crowd.
"You know," he growled softly, "no one can see us here." He pointed out, teasing me back, lifting the fabric of my skirt up slipping his hand up the top of my thigh.
"T." I whispered. His eyes darkened anytime I used his nickname.
He began planting kisses down my collarbone. "Yes." His lips mumbled, grazing my skin.
"I don't think we're as hidden as you think." I nodded over to an usher who had been subjected to the sight, he avoided our eyes but a bright shocked blush painted his face.
My lover looked back at me with a devilish grin.
We burst out laughing, the thrill of what is forbidden exhilerating us both. He pulled me back to him and my skirt back down, brushing his thumb over my bottom lip.
"Later mon ange."
The crowd below us was humming in anticipation like a hive, with the excitement of seeing Frank live. Timothée sat down beside me, resting his arm on the back of my chair as our friend came out on stage, I felt him nuzzle my cheek with his, pecking kisses. I rolled my eyes at how young I felt with him.
The violin melody echoed through the speakers instantly recognizable the lyrics of Thinkin Bout You echoed around us.
T tugging me off my seat came behind me as we stood swaying with his arms around my stomach. It reminded me of the first time we ever kissed. When we were stood in his apartment in Paris, just over four years ago.
How after all this time and all this distance he still melted me. He still kissed me like we'd been starved of each other our whole lives. I still knew he'd always win with me, and I'd still let him.
I closed my eyes and rested my body against his, as he held me and whispered Frank's lyrics into my ear and I sung along with his chin resting on my head.
The air around me was thick from crowds of thousands but with T by my side with one deep inhale I was taken back. The tangerine and amber that seemed permanently drenched on his skin intoxicated my every breathe, but on nights like those I was enthralled by our past. By our reality.
"Do you even think about me?" He teased me mercilessly with those pupils flicking between my eyes. "Cause I've been thinking about forever." He drawled in his husk of a voice.
As the set progressed and as Timothée's camera roll became even more filled with proud pictures of Frank, like a soccer mom on the sidelines - I began to feel camera lenses on us.
I think it was my anxiety that progressed my talent for recognising instantly when I'm being observed. T found my hand and held it in between his.
"It's okay. Whatever it is you need to do right now, we'll do - it's okay." His voice so soothing. I didn't say anything for a second. His voice concerning me. Because he was so cautious, as if his voice were a decibel too loud I'd break. Like I'd sink down to pieces in his arms.
"I'm okay T." I smiled. He didn't seem entirely convinced by my answer, so I persisted. "Really, I am - I want this too remember?" I squeezed his hand. "No more hiding."
We didn't speak about it again. Except that we moved back a couple of steps out of sight, that he never let a hand leave my body (or him by my side) and that it wasn't until we made our way backstage that in a minute of calm we found some real privacy in the hallway.
That was when I heard him sigh, a breathe that he'd clearly been holding that broke my heart to hear. I slowed my pace and took both his hands.
Those eyes detached themselves from the floor and found their way back to me. "I'm okay, T - really. Sure," I let out a half-hearted chuckle, "this is beyond odd not feeling like we have to sneak around together," he opened his mouth to speak but I stopped any protest, "but I think I like us like this." He grinned.
"Like what?" His half-hearted smile and head tilted to the side provoked me to kiss him. What else was there to do with such an angelic face?
"Like we're just two people who love each other." He sighed and his eyes drifted. I bought his face back, my hands cupping either side to look at me. "Very, very much." I laughed.
T broke out into that grin that I'd only just become friends with. The one where anytime I told him just how much he meant to me, his face split in two; like a planet cut by a halo.
"I don't even think I could love you anymore than I do already Cara." He whispered, his voice lilting and tender.
He kissed me sweetly, took my hand and we walked side by side. He looked ahead and I looked up at him, grinning along.
