Alter Ego

Part 14

     Blue's eyes fluttered open as she slowly sat up in bed. Her body shivered before she noticed the bedroom window had been left open all night, inviting in the cold ocean breeze. She turned her head to the left and stared at the long mirror leaning against the plain wall. Her eyes were puffy from crying last night. As well as the night before.

     She slowly moved out of bed, walked across the old carpeted floor, and cracked open the bedroom door. The television was off in the living room and it didn't sound like anyone was in the kitchen. Mage must have already left for work. Blue stepped out of the guest bedroom and made her way to the familiar kitchen. At the table sat a plate of pancakes and a sticky note telling her to eat up.

     She stood by the table debating whether she should eat or not. She hadn't really eaten since the incident and couldn't seem to stomach anything. She took a small bite of the pancakes for Mage's sake before heading back to the guest bedroom. Blue opened the closet door and walked inside, crouching down and grabbing the nearby shoeboxes. She closed the door behind herself, only leaving a small crack for light to shine in. Opening the thinnest shoebox Blue gently pulled out a small jar and stared at the contents inside. A small, hunched over form floated lifelessly in the containers liquid. A smile crept over Blue's face as she rotated the jar in her hands. It was ok. Her baby was ok.

     A door slammed opened from the other room, startling her as she quickly set the jar back in its hiding spot.

"Blue! Are you here!? It's Mage! He's..." a voice called out.

She recognized it as Benny's and moved as quickly as she could to the living room. She saw him, his goat eyes wide and panicked, trying to hold back tears. When he finally made eye contact with her, he couldn't keep himself together. "Mage! He...he's..." Benny clung to Blue. She hadn't seen him this emotional since they were little kids. She didn't know how to respond.

"Mage is... he's dead..."

Blue's body stiffened. Her mind whirled, not comprehending what exactly Benny had just said.

"He was found in an alley way. I guess he didn't go to work so his co workers got worried..." Benny paused. "Overdose. It was a drug overdose...he did it on purpose.."

Her eyes darted towards him, "How...how do you know that.."

"In his pocket..he left a letter...he said he was sorry. That it was his fault. He shouldn't have convinced you to go back home and tell your parents. He felt guilty hearing you cry every night. He couldn't live with the thought that he killed your baby..." Benny trailed off.

     They both stood in silence as the old house creaked. Mage was gone. He really killed himself. He was all Blue had left. She had hobbled over to his place that night, crying and in pain. He took her in and handled everything from the doctor to her schooling. She didn't realize he even felt like that. He hid it so well and stayed strong in her presence. Now he was just gone. He wasn't going to come back through that front door. Blue eyed the pancakes on the table. He could have said something. She could have helped. She didn't blame him, not one bit, but he'll never know that now. Tears fell from her face as she held Benny tighter.

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     "You sure you wanna stay here? I can make room at my place."

Blue shook her head, "I'll only be here for a little while. I plan to go back home."

"Just be careful." Benny's voice shook, "And if anything happens just call me."

"Right."

Blue watched Benny exit the house and waited until she believed he was long gone. She turned around to Mage's room, opening his door and breathing in his smell. She felt comfort and anguish as she walked over to his bedside nightstand, grabbing his lighter from the top wooden drawer and placing it in her pullover jacket pocket. She closed the door behind herself  before heading into the guest room, grabbing the shoebox out of the closet, and sliding it into her backpack nearby. Blue quickly left the house, not looking back, as she made her way down the street. Dim street lamps lit her way like a spot light guiding her to her desire. She continuously glanced around but spotted no one. She was alone.

     When she finally turned down her street she noticed not one light was on in her house. Her parents must have been sound asleep, not caring about where their daughter was. Blue slowly walked up to the door and moved the potted plant nearby, grabbing the spare key and opening the front door as quietly as she could. Silence came from inside as she tiptoed in, closed the door, and proceeded to grab a chair from the kitchen. She carried it up the stairs and placed it against her parents bedroom door knob before descending back down. She walked into the garage and flipped on the light as her eyes scanned the back wall shelves. Grabbing the gasoline can, she made her way back into the house. Blue screwed off the lid and began splashing the ground in the liquid. After throwing the can onto the couch she pulled out Mage's lighter and flicked it on, tossing it behind herself.

     She felt a sudden warmth on her back as she entered the kitchen and sat at the table, pulling out the small shoebox from her backpack. She brought out the small jar and gazed into the liquid. It was going to be ok now. They would be together soon and she could introduce her baby to Mage. Blue smiled at the jar as pounding started from upstairs. Muffled yelling became wails of screaming while the fire continued to spread. She hugged the jar as the flames grew hotter and more intense.

Everything was fine.

It was all going to finally be ok.