Heal These Battle Scars | MxM

Chapter Nineteen - Lord Save Me, Love Made Me Crazy

Wang Yi wasn't one to run away from his problems. He was a brave man, a powerful man — a man built of steel. On the battlefield, coming face-to-face with death countless times, Yi didn't run away. During his teenage years — perhaps fifteen or sixteen — he didn't run away from the beatings his father gave him to sit straight or to speak less or study more; long hours, no rest. Yi would never run away, ever.

Yet, facing Xiao Fang, he ran; as fast as his feet could take him, Yi ran.

It had been six days — seven, in counting — since he started avoiding Xiao Fang at any and every cost.

It was not like Yi needed to take another route whenever he saw Xiao Fang walking from a distance. It was not like he wanted to intentionally stay long hours in the base's office, sending out letters to headquarters, trying to stifle Xiao Fang's soft, silky lips from his memories. No. It was all because of Yi damn self.

He had never kissed a man before — never thought he would want to kiss a man. However, that night, having Xiao Fang so close, feeling the blazing heat of his body, Yi did not see any wrong in his doings and did not care to see until the last moment he pulled apart from Xiao Fang.

But was it truly wrong?

If it was wrong — it felt right, so, so right.

Xiao Fang must've thought it was right, too.

Knowing Xiao Fang was the one to instigate the kiss, knowing Xiao Fang favored men — knowing Xiao Fang must've felt something for him all those times they were together, a strange sensation entwined in his heart. But it didn't bother him. It didn't cause his stomach to twist nauseatingly. It should've — but it didn't.

Still, a man. Xiao Fang was a man — a man, for god's sake.

Just like Bolin and Chen Yu, Yi was an immoral sinner, destined to scorch in hell for all of eternity. Only a sinner would kiss another man the way one was supposed to kiss a woman, passionately, hungrily, wantingly.

Last night — for the very first time — he dreamt of Xiao Fang, lying stark naked on his back in the dead of night inside the forest by the riverbank, awaiting Yi. With the full moon illuminating his body, shining like a thousand crystals, he truly outshined the brightest star.

Now, Yi found himself craving more of Xiao Fang's tongue like an addict craving drugs.

What would others think if they found out all of these immoral desires flowing through his veins?

What would they say? Surely, they would scorn him, avoid him — look away whenever he walked by and think of him like a disease.

What would they do?

Yi was not quite sure, but from all the textbooks, the scriptures, everything, he was sure his comrades, families and friends, and neighbors and strangers would come together to burn him and Xiao Fang alive. And while they holler in agony as the heat from the flames dug through their flesh, those involved would laugh at their screams. And dance and stomp and spit on their ashes till there was nothing left of them in this earthly realm.

A sickening fate awaited them.

But... Wouldn't it be worth it?

Oh, but it would; the voices spoke in his ears whenever he slept at night.

To think, after all these years, he finally found someone who reminded him of home, but unlike home, Xiao Fang — this kind, soft-spirited man — showed him that he was no monster he made himself out to believe. After all these lonesome years, Xiao Fang took him back to the light he thought he had lost. All in such a short time, Xiao Fang taught him how to be gentle, tender, and human. Unknowingly comforting him. Xiao Fang made him feel safe and warm — complete.

What had Xiao Fang done, soiling Yi's fragile heart?

Now Yi often wondered...

Should he confess these abnormal feelings? Or go on his way — pretend what happened that night never happened at all? Or blame Xiao Fang — tell him it was all his fault — it was he who bewitched Yi — made him do all those evil things. Made him hypnotized by Xiao Fang's eyes. Made him slowly go crazy for Xiao Fang's tender touch. Made him question himself. His wants. Needs. Desires.

Lord save him; Yi was truly losing his mind.