The Couch

The Hardest Step

Spring Semester - Sophomore Year

"Are you ready to go back," Yolanda asked, leaning back against her chair when Olivia didn't answer the first question.

"No," she replied curtly.

"We talked about how journalism was your dream last session. Are you sure that's true," the therapist questioned. A more open-ended question was supposed to garner more of a response but when it didn't, Yolanda opted for something else. "How about we try a mindfulness activity to get you relaxed and we end here today."

"Okay," she expressed, laying back against the couch as the therapist turned on a mindfulness meditation. She let the soothing music carry her into the peaceful land the video described. Letting the leaves travel down the stream with her inner thoughts and worries. Every time she tried to picture the leaves moving down the stream, she'd get stuck. The stream in her head was frozen, making her inner thoughts and worries stay in place. It caused her more anxiety every time until she finally let her mind wander away from the activity and started thinking of what she'd eat that night or wear to class the next day. Finals were near and she had to figure out how to pull up her grade up in one of her journalism classes. There were days she just didn't show up or she avoided the assignments. Journalism was once a bright light in her life and now it had become such a dark space. That was the reason her therapist was currently trying to figure out why she was sticking with it. The love for it was gone.

After the meditation, Yolanda grabbed her notebook, "Do you want to schedule your next appointment now?"

"Next Wednesday at the same time would be fine," Olivia muttered, pulling her jacket over her arms.

"Hey, Olivia," Yolanda called out as her client was almost out the door. "You can only take away as much as you give in our sessions. Remember that."

Olivia simply nodded and walked out into the unseasonably, chilly air. Trying to take her therapist's advice, she decided to partake in self-care. First, she went to her favorite coffee spot and ordered her usual with oatmilk. Then she went to the park and sat in her usual spot. People watching had become one of her favorite pastimes. She created different scenarios in her head based on how they looked and what they were doing. It must have been the writer in her that didn't seem to come out when she needed it most. After being let go by the LA Tribune, she didn't know where she was going in life. The fallout from that job honestly tainted her view of the career and yet she was still forcing herself in it. She didn't understand why it was hard to let go of something she resented. Hopefully being in therapy would help her sort out her jumbled thoughts that didn't even make sense to her anymore. Her text tone drug her out of her daydream.

JJ: Just checking on you. Hope your day is as fantabulous as you.

Olivia smiled at the message because she could hear JJ's voice loud and clear. Ever since that day, everyone had been so good about sending a daily text message. It was their plan as a vortex. To keep Olivia wrapped up in the middle until she was annoyed with their love and begging for them to back off. Though they never would.

When I'm mad, I write. So here's the start to a short series.