The Couch

The Highest Step

Didn't really give a proper introduction to the point of this story but basically, this is season 5 in my head and the goal is to explore more of Olivia's (and Spencer's) thoughts and reasons behind actions since I feel like the show doesn't do a lot of that. Especially from Olivia's end this season. I'm big on mental health and advocate for therapy so I figured I'd use therapy as a way to tell the story. Plus, I'm studying this in school now and it's a great way to apply what I've learned. My professors would be proud. Haha! I hope you all enjoy. 

"Walk me through your day, Liv," Yolanda started the session. "Did you make it to class?"

"Couldn't drag myself out of bed," Olivia admitted.

"So what inspired you to come here today if you couldn't go to class?"

Olivia sighed and tried to think of an answer and came up with nothing, "Honestly...I don't know. This morning was just hard I guess. I seriously can't tell you why. Is that normal?"

"Yea, that's perfectly normal. Depression isn't black and white. There's no rule book to mental illness. Even though I'm saying that sitting here with my DSM," Yolanda explained. "But that doesn't mean there's not a human element to your illness. Get what I mean?"

"It's so weird. I legit set five alarms and couldn't get out of bed. I just felt stuck," Olivia described. "Couldn't make myself get up until this afternoon. Before I came here."

"Well, I'm glad you could make it to our session. That's a small win for today. Have you turned in those missing assignments," Yolanda made a few notes on her notepad before pushing it to the side. "I know that one was particularly hard for you."

"Writing about my biggest failure is kinda hard when I can't pinpoint which one gives me enough material for five pages." The assignment had her stumped and she had zero motivation to work on it. Her professor had assigned a paper describing their biggest failure and how they overcame it.

"Is it lack of motivation or something else," the therapist asked, stumping her client. That wasn't her intention but the goal was to get Olivia to dig deeper into her thoughts. Something she was not used to doing and was part of the problem-solving segment of treatment. 

"What do you mean," Olivia replied, her body language changing as she got uncomfortable. She drew her arms in tighter, almost to protect herself from the next question. 

"Spencer? The issues with your brother? That night or the other situation," Yolanda continued. "I know it's overwhelming to think of all those things but we can break them down. Focus on one at a time?" 

"Okay," Olivia gulped, the heaviness of all those topics holding a different amount of weight. 

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"That wall is supposed to be eggshell white, J," Spencer exclaimed, watching Jordan roll his paint roller in the wrong paint. 

Jordan paused, slowly turning to face his teammate before rolling his eyes, "What's the difference between this white and the one in the living room? There are both, I don't know....white!" 

The debate about whites had come up at least three times while they were painting walls at the James residence. Spencer was officially taking over the house since Grace and Dillon had moved to Oakland. The house sat empty for a few months before Spencer decided to use money from one of his sponsorships to make the home his own. That meant painting and buying new furniture. After a full year and a half at the beach house, the boys thought it would be best to go their separate ways. It was fun for the time being but ran its course. 

"No, they are not the same. You can look at it and tell," Spencer replied, pointing to the two different paints.

"You've been around my sister too much. I can't stand either one of you," the quarterback joked. "How are you two by the way? And please don't tell me it's complicated. You've been saying that for the past three months."

"It's not complicated. We're just taking a break while she's healing. We were very intentional about that," he explained, rolling a new layer of paint on his old bedroom wall that he planned to turn into a home office. 

"Intentional?" 

Resting the roller in the paint tray, he gave Jordan his full attention, "With the intention to get back together. Look man, I plan on marrying your sister one day. If that isn't obvious. So we're taking a step back to work on ourselves individually, then we'll try again. I take her recovery seriously." 

Feeling like a proud brother, Jordan nodded, "No, I get it. And I appreciate you taking care of my sister, Spence. You're a good man and I'm glad to finally have a brother. Liv may be sweet to you but you haven't lived with her." 

"Thanks, bro. You know I always got her. Trust me, I've stayed with her long enough to know she's not the best to talk to in the morning."

Jordan laughed, "I swear she's scary in the mornings. Ready to go for your throat just for saying good morning."

"Now I didn't say all that. Maybe she just doesn't like you." 

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For the past two hours, the cursor on the blank screen stared back at her. At this point, she had counted the number of times it blinked. She had two more days to finish this assignment and turn it in before her professor logged it as a zero. 

Her eyes wandered over to the sticky note she had stuck on her desk with a list of her greatest failures in her eyes. The first one listed seemed like the one her mind kept circling back to and it stung the worse. 

She popped her knuckles and then her neck before digging into it, "Here goes nothing."