The Couch

The Healing Step

We have hit the end of this short series. This chapter will focus on the topic of sexual assault so please proceed with caution. I'm going to leave some mental health resources in a separate part.
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"I want to talk to Asher this week," Olivia shared at the end of a session. "I feel like I can do it."

Yolanda had been focusing on helping Olivia practice the conversation that she wanted to have with her ex about the night she overdosed. Though practice didn't mean the conversation would go that exact way, it gave Olivia time to think about the many directions the conversation could go. It gave her time to prepare for the best scenario and the worst scenario, slightly decreasing her anxiety surrounding it. 

"Okay, do you want to talk through it again or do another empty chair," the therapist wondered. "Or we can take a minute and do a meditation first?"

"What if this ruins the friend group? It's been a long time and I dated him. What if he doesn't think he did anything wrong," Olivia speculated, her thoughts making her words run together. They had been over this subject multiple times and now that she was ready to approach it, those doubts still polluted her mind.

"Olivia, it's time you start thinking about your healing. This is for you. No matter how he feels or how anyone else feels about it. This is your experience," Yolanda explained.

She let the words simmer in before nodding, "You're right. Can we do one more empty chair?"

"Sure can," the therapist moved a chair in front of Olivia before she moved to the other side of the room. "Pretend Asher is sitting right in front of you. What would be the first thing you'd say? Imagine, based on what you know about him, how he'd react. Then go from there."

Olivia pictured her ex sitting directly in front of her. His face set in that same stoic expression. Clearing her throat, she began, "I know it's been a while since we talked about that night. Well you talked about it," she said, referring back to homecoming when he humiliated her in front of the entire school. "But I've been in therapy for a while now and I finally realized what actually happened that night I overdosed. Have you ever wondered why you're the only one that remembers what actually happened?"

Asher's eyes darted around the living room of the Baker's home, "Liv...what are you trying to say?"

"I'm asking you why are you the only one that remembers details from that night," she pressed. The lump in her throat made her voice shake but her confidence grew as she continued. "You don't find that odd? Or how that's the same night I OD'ed."

"Are you trying to say...I took advantage of you," Asher questioned. When Jordan approached him about this before, he also used the same words and Asher had an excuse to back up his actions. "I wasn't meaning to do that, I was going through a lot with my dad..."

"Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying," Olivia replied, her voice coming out much stronger. "There's no excuse. I was drunk and high out of my mind and you knew that. There's no way for a person under those conditions to give consent. I took the fall because I felt guilty and even after that you slut shamed me in front of the whole school. Do you see how wrong that is?"

Asher stayed silent.

"We had no business being together. Not after that. No wonder we were so toxic. It was toxic from the start," she continued, even if Asher had tuned her out. That confidence Yolanda told her she may find was giving her the strength she needed to fully release the burden. "I'm tired of holding on to that. I'm tired of tip-toeing around your feelings."