The Hot Trillionaire and the Cute Homeless Lady

The Big Giant Huge Mansion

Arnie's POV:

God, she was beautiful. When she blinked, little termites burrowed into her eyelashes because of her eyes' beauty. He sighed, leaning on his hand and admiring her.

"Eyes on the road," she said again, smiling and shoving his head so he was looking at the street again. Arnie bucked and flew the car over a stray cat, who started shouting curses.

"Don't worry," he assured her, feeling himself grow with pride. And a few other things. "I'm a very safe driver." She gave him a look, but soon, they'd reached his house. It was unbelievably ugly, but also really big.

"Jesus," Tailor said, squatting down on the grass and trying not to cry. "That's an ugly house."

"It's better than yours," he giggled hysterically, kicking his feet like a dancing Irish man.

"OW!" she screamed when he accidentally kicked her, crumpling to the ground. She grit her teeth and stood up, walloping him in the face with a dead fish. "What the hell, bro?" she huffed, kicking his balls. Arnie grinned at the pain, and Tailor realized he was a masochist.

"Sorry, babes," he said, tracing her face with the fish. He could tell she was greatly aroused by his utter charisma. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I'll never do it again."

"Okay," she breathed, and a termite fell out of her eyelash. She flicked it away and looked back at the house. It was ugly, but big. "So... is this where I'll be staying?" she breathed, clutching her chest and staring around in awe.

"Oh hell no," Arnie smiled. "You're staying over there." He turned and pointed at a shack beside the mansion, broken down. A few vampires scuttled out of it, along with a panda. Tailor's nose wrinkled at the stinkle.

"It's wonderful," she gasped out, barely able to breathe over the smell. She gave one last smile before clutching her throat and passing out.