A Diamond in Islam | (Published) ✔

{21} Difficult Roads

Amira Sarker

Those words kept replaying in my head. The three letter words.

I like you.

Butterflies erupted in my lower region. Joy overwhelmed me. He liked me. Damon liked me. I couldn't help but be satisfied that he felt the same as I felt for him. I was about to type back to him how I also shared his feelings, but of course the harsh reality hit like cold water.

I can't do this. I can't tell him.

It would only cause Damon more pain in the end when he realized that we couldn't be together. I wasn't stupid to believe that we could be together just because I liked him. At the same time I felt like a knife stab at my chest, familiar prickings of a tragic love story that was still too new to take flight.

Our mutual affections were the clouds on a stormy day, reckoning chaos every where it went, not caring whose lives would be spared. It was dangerous, vigorous, but most of all breathless to be apart of until it ended, and all that was left were the fragmented pieces of a once secured heart under locks.

With shaky hand, I picked up my phone. I didn't want to hurt Damon. I couldn't let myself do that to him. Each word I typed caused a swelling of grief on my wounded heart.

Me: Damon u shouldn't like me.

Damon: Don't u get it? It's feelings not an object that's easily gone. I really like u Amira I'm serious.

His words made me feel even guiltier.

Me: We can't be together. I can't date u.

Damon: I know.

Me: Y do u like me? I'm not hot or pretty.

As I typed the words, I felt regret staple itself to me, biting my nails nervously as I waited his response.

Damon: Ur right, ur not pretty.

Ouch. He didn't have to be so blunt.

Me: I know.

Damon: Ur beautiful. That girl I was talking about was u.

Butterflies erupted in my stomach as I realized he was calling me beautiful. Not hot or sexy, but beautiful. I stared in awe at my screen. For a highschool guy, calling a girl 'beautiful' was a whole new ball game, a new uncharted territory.

Me: Y are u telling me this?

Damon: Because I needed u to know. I can't keep these feeling inside anymore.

I bit my lip. I had to stop this thing with Damon before one of us got seriously hurt. Allah came first. Just because I had a crush on Damon didn't mean that I should disobey Allah and secretly be with him, but that thought alone didn't stop my scandalous thoughts.

Yet my fingers typed on their own accord, desperate to know why Damon felt the need to tell me. There was more to the story, but he kept it hidden, under a lock and key like he was afraid of fully trusting me. He guarded himself carefully, slowly opening up to me the more I pushed against his defenses.

Me: That doesn't explain why. U know we can't be together. U know that there is no future for us, so why even confess?

I tried my best to be harsh, to repel him from like I was a flame sent to burn his calloused skin. If I could keep him at arms length, then I wouldn't have to worry about disobeying Allah or following through with my desires.