The Dominant's Obsession

Chapter 20

D A C I A N

Dacian moved through life like a zombie. He felt like one, ever since cutting Allie out of his life.

He hated himself for having tasted her. Now he could think of nothing but her scent, her moans, her heightened response to his touch. He hated himself for not having had the strength to stay away from her in the first place. To just stick to his resolutions and avoid getting close to anyone.

He'd known she would destroy him. He just hadn't known it would happen like this. Death by a thousand cravings. Insanity by a thousand intrusive, obsessive thoughts.

What did you do, Dacian?

He couldn't resist her. He wasn't sure he'd ever stood a chance at resisting her.

He'd thought kissing her would prove that his obsession with her was baseless. That his idealized fantasies of her were just that – fantasies. He'd thought that, once tasted, her novelty would wear off.

Boy was he fucking wrong about that.

She'd been struck speechless by his bargain. But he'd seen it in her eyes that she'd wanted that kiss as much as he had. Their chemistry was hardly one-sided. She was as affected by him as he was by her.

And wasn't that something. If he had to send his life to shit, cast his mind to hell in a handbasket, at least he wasn't going there alone.

But she'd been so responsive to his touch. It had been sexy as hell, the way her breathing would hitch or stop or grow louder or suck in, the way her eyes would widen or flutter or close entirely, the way her lips would tremble or part, her unconscious struggles and squirms, the noises she made...

He'd never had a lover respond so strongly, like they would die if he didn't touch them, like their entire soul was now absorbed in the attainment of the pleasure he alone could offer them.

Far from slaking his desire for her, what had happened in her apartment had turned his spark into a blazing inferno. He'd been craving her every moment of every day since. Dreaming of her. Fantasizing of her.

But though he'd hated himself for it, he knew what he'd had to do. She was too addicting, too much for him to handle. He would lose himself to her, with potentially disastrous consequences for her. The only way to avoid that would be to rip the band-aid off early. Not let himself get any more obsessed with her.

It can never happen again.

Now, he wondered if he'd been too late to stop the bleeding. He had no idea when – or how – she had become such a part of himself. All he knew was that it was like a lung had been ripped out of his chest. He could technically breathe without it, but it was a hollow breath. One that never fully satisfied. And his chest ached, all the time.

"Dacian?"

"What?" His head jerked up.

"I said, what do you think?" Saurabh stared at him across the meeting room table.

"About what?"

There were snickers around him from his teammates. He glanced around.

He'd become the laughingstock of the office. Oddly, the thought didn't bother him. He didn't care enough to let it bother him.

He frowned. I don't care about anything these days. Anything except her.

The thought should have scared him. It didn't.

Saurabh moved the discussion on, directing the attention of those around him to the next technical challenge that needed a solution. But as they all filed out of the meeting room twenty minutes later, he grabbed Dacian's arm to keep him behind.

His manager looked at him with kind and perceptive brown eyes. Too perceptive.

"Why don't you take a few days off?" Saurabh said gently. "You haven't been yourself lately. Take a few days to get your head together and come back when you can think straight."

"No," Dacian said. "I need the distraction of work."

"You can't work like this. You're missing details. You're checking in bugs. You're not yourself, Dacian."

He raked a hand through his hair. "Alright. Fine. Just a few days."

Saurabh nodded at him. "Go home. Rest." He clapped him on the shoulder. "Whatever it was, I'm sorry. Know that I'm here for you. And if you need to talk, the company has excellent mental health coverage in the health plan."

Yeah. I know. But he just nodded tightly.

He didn't see the bright sunlight as he stepped out onto the sidewalk. He didn't see the people around him on the subway. He didn't see the receptionist waving hi as he entered his building.

All he ever saw these days was a haunting pair of bright blue eyes.