The love I have for you | Mernick

Meredith (1)

"Nick?"

"Nick?"

More tears started to roll down her already tears stained face. But this time, mixed with anger. Anger at the world. Anger at the people she considered her friends, her family. Anger at herself.

They all left her today. Everyone left her.

She was scared of being left. She was done being left, and yet she sent the only person that had provided her happiness and comfort the past few months away as well. She basically broke up with him by telling him to go back to Minnesota. Why did she ruin the only good thing in her life?

Why?

She punched the wall. Her anger taking over, as more tears filled her eyes, before she slowly let herself lean against the wall, sliding down until she sat on the floor, some more tears now running down her cheeks. 

She was glad it was already late. No one would come up there at this time. No one was left anyway. She started to take some deep breaths in an attempt to calm her breathing down, to calm her thoughts down.

She hasn't felt that lonely often, she hasn't felt that betrayed often. By her patient dying on her, just like Derek did. By people leaving, just like Andrew did while she had been in a coma without her having the chance to do anything. By her friend moving across the ocean to Switzerland, the other one across the country. By her mother, never appreciating the woman she had become. By Richard, who once was the closest to a father figure she ever had, now yelling at her. By Bailey, for telling her over and over again how disloyal and disrespectful she was. By herself, for letting all these feelings get to her. And for sending away the only person that had been by her side every day the past few months.

She was done feeling that way. She had been ready to move on. She had found ways to deal with everything that's happened in her life, only for it all to come back crashing down on her now.

Meredith kept sitting on the floor for some more moments, before she took a last deep breath, wiping away her tears, at least she tried it and then got up from the floor, slowly walking back to 'her office'. She never wanted that office. She never wanted that title. She probably was considered greedy now for taking on that job. She didn't care anymore what her people thought about her. At least not for the rest of the day.

She just needed some quiet moments. She let herself sit down on the couch, pulling her knees up, sitting there in darkness, in silence.

And all she wanted was for that silence and darkness to stay for as long as possible, because once it was gone, she would have to face that new messed up reality. And she didn't want to.

.

"Meredith." She heard someone's voice interrupting her silence. It was Amelia slowly walking over to her in the darkness, only a small lamp on the floor providing them with enough light to see what's right in front of them. "A nurse told me, I would find you here."

"What are you doing here?" Meredith cleared her throat in an attempt for her voice to sound more normal, not succeeding.

"What happened Mer?" Amelia asked. The worry on her face growing as she observed her, shock mixing in once she saw her hand. Meredith hasn't even noticed it yet. Her hand slightly swollen, red and bruised where it met the wall. "I will get you something for your hand okay?" Amelia asked, realizing that she wouldn't get much of an answer from Meredith right now. At that Meredith nodded slightly, observing Amelia getting up and leaving the room only to come back a few minutes later, with some disinfectant and a cooling pad.

"What happened Mer?" Meredith heard her sister asking one more time, but if she was honest her mind was blank, she knew what happened, it was just all too much to bear right now and she couldn't find any words anymore.