bungou stray dogs one shots/headcanons

nikolai

modern!au nikolai going to therapy and you are his therapist.

tw: usual nikolai mental illness, yandere themes, choking.

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You looked at your phone and it was about time for your second to last session of the day. You sighed softly as you rummaged through the countless papers on your desk, trying to find the ones you need and organize the rest, finding a place for them at the edge of it. Today was a rather unproductive day, you had new patients mostly, and you got to know them a little without doing what you're taught to do, but you knew that next time they come, it will be different; not in a bad way, but you'll actually get to hear their concerning problems.

A lot of your patients lie or hide some things, probably out of fear, and as much as you detest that, you can't force them to speak up. What kind of therapist would you be if you'd just not respect their boudaries? And so, it happened that the present session brought in that kind of person. You could see he was unstable, but for the most part, all he said so far were lies. You're not a detector or something, but it is very obvious. At times you would think: should I just give up and ask for the truth? Of course you wouldn't.

He was lying on the couch, with his feet dangling in the air, talking about his day. One time he would be serious then the next he would burst out laughing, without telling a joke or describing something funny. He would look at the ceiling, maybe playing with his hair, and yet... nothing concerning comes out of his mouth. Nothing that you could be of help. That is the problem. He is so unstable yet nothing traumatizing is happening in his life. So he must be a liar.

"Haaa..." he sighed "Last night I gave in and went with my friends to the casino." he turned his sight onto you.

"Did you grow an addiction out of it?" you asked.

"Ah, no. I won't go in again. OH hahahaha, yes, yes... i spent this month's allowance on stupid machines and i came home with nothing. Definitely won't go back there again."

"Ahem... I see. So, is there anything of note you would like to tell me, Nikolai?"

"After i got out of that shit ho-... Oh I apologise for cursing. So after I left the casino, i went past this bigggg tent with white and red stripes. I remember I seen the exact same one when I was a kid. And so it was pretty late, I looked very carefully at it then I thought to myself... I'd like to be a clown. I'd like to go there and be the star of the show, to wear funky costumes while entertaining people. Tell me actually... did I enteratin you so far, not today, but since I came here... did I?" he got up and looked at me with wide concerned eyes.

Not sure how to respond to that... "Yes. Yes you entertained me if that was your goal." you said, smiling.

"AHAHAHA yesss, you see, I was made to be a clown, no, an entertainer. Might as well be stand up comedian too, but you get the point. Actually, do you mind if I'd ask you to come back at my house and properly put out a show for you?" What is this guy talking about?

"I apologise, but I cannot see my patients outside of work. Policy."

"Not asking as a patient. But as a favor, as a friend." he said softly.

"Nikolai, no." you said again hoping he'd move on from this subject.

"So... you are a liar. I came here, and once again, my point is proven." he came closer, speaking in a low and serious tone.

"Point proven...?" you started but the patient in front of you lashed out at your neck and started to choke you.

"Can't you see? What I am looking for? What I've been talking about since I first stepped foot in here? You don't understand..." he gritted his teeth, clenching his hands harder.

You struggled out of his grip but he kept going, rambling about the other sessions.

First time you met, he was a little curious, of course, like any other person that comes there for the first time. They are anxious, afraid. How will it go? Will I be judged? Is my therapist friendly? With what should I start? Will she ask me questions, and if, how will I answer them? These are the most common questions that run through their heads.

Second time he was hiding. You questioned him like before, to get some sort of background in his life. He avoided most questions and you gave him time.

Soon enough 5 months passed. You knew his face, his name, yet barely anything about his life. Soon after the first few sessions, he became very outgoing. He went in, and would start to babble about everything he sees or thinks about, still making sure to skip through the parts that are related to his life at home.

You could say that you failed your job with Nikolai. And now he snapped. He was so focused on your neck and yet nothing stands out. Why?

"You always were so interested when it was my time to answer, that you missed the parts where I told them to you straight forward. In these past months."

"Ni...kol...ai... s...stop." you tried to say with tears slowly forming in your eyes.

"When I told you 5 months ago where I was, what I did, what I liked. When I told you today, the same things... So uninterested in what I say. Can you call yourself a therapist."

In the state that you were in, you thought of what could he mean. You listened. Didn't you? Surely you must've. Right?

Casino... then the pathway to the circus. The other times where he supposedly went and...-

You widened your eyes.

"Ahahaha..." he removed his hands "So now you remember..."

You choked and rushed to the door, you wanted to flee, find saving from this monster that you called a patient. A LOST CAUSE. But you stopped right at the door and turned around looking at Nikolai again. He was looking through your files.

"Ah! Found them! These are my friends." today's papers. "I know where you're going to go now. But I told you, right? We are friends, and I'll help you." He came towards me, or rather, the door, smiling.

You wanted to ask what did he mean by that, again, but nothing came out of your mouth.

"You see... there is no evidence that I personally stalked you, found out things about you, or even choked you. My friends did the job for me, and these papers are the evidence."

You frowned in confusion.

"Ahahaha, silly, silly, they told you straight forward everything. Don't you remember how they asked for help? To cure the darkness within them? You never seen me anywhere you went. But you talked to them. They talked to you. That must be enough evidence. Don't worry, you won't be in danger any longer."

You fell down to your knees and he left to go to the police station. How can you be so... agh!! You started crying and clenched your fists. All the places you've visited and all the things you've liked. Nikolai talked about them so openly, it felt like such an innocent thing. All this time, while trying to find things about him, instead, he found out everything about you. He even made it so obvious how you hate bad words today. His... friends... today's patients that needed to get rescheduled... they said it in front of your face how they stalked you. How can you be so...

But then it hit you. Your evidence is his papers. The marks on your neck and the time he was in your office choking you. You rushed to the desk and searched and searched.

"What... I... should've been free now?" you mumbled to yourself.

You looked through your work program in the past five months and every time he was there, you shouldn't have been in any appointments. Surely he didn't mess up with these, right? No... But... wait...

...When did you ever agree to have appointments with him?

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not edited. also experimenting with yandere themes. next chapter mightttt be some fyodor smut. i miss that little guy.