TW: Depression, sh, suicidal thoughts/attempt (kinda??)
Ally is readers girlfriend
She had been nervous to leave you alone while she was on her business trip. But you didn't know that. But her worries were confirmed when you didn't answer the numerous calls and texts she sent you. 3 days into her week long trip and you've left your bed a total of 4 times. Your stomach growled from the lack of food entering it. The truth is, you've given up. Your tangled hair lay messy on the pillow as your body stretched throughout the whole bed. Your sunken in eyes made you look like a skeleton of the person you used to be. This isn't Ally's fault at all. You've been going downhill for awhile but you were good at hiding it from her. Or so you thought. You heard your phone ring again, but this time you didn't have the energy to check who was calling. You already knew who it was. You felt bad for worrying her, yet you didn't stop. You couldn't. Your brain was empty and full at the same time. Looking at the clock on your bedside table you saw it was 8:42 pm. Another day wasted doing nothing. You got out of bed and headed to the attached bedroom. Looking in the mirror, you saw a waste of life. A pale blob of nothing. After peeing and washing your hands, you spotted the familiar piece of metal in the corner of your eye. Grabbing it, you didn't hesitate to drag it along your thighs. You cleaned up the fresh cuts and went back to the place you've spent the last 72+ hours in. During the time you've spent in the bed, you've managed to only sleep about 12 hours in total. Your brain wouldn't shut off yet time flowed by so quickly. Next thing you know it's 2:14 am and your aching for peace.
Do it.
Ally doesn't care about you.
She'd be better without you.
You're nothing but a burden to her.
You got up out of the sheets and went back into the bathroom. Sitting on the floor, you roll up the sleeves of Ally's sweatshirt and held the blade to your wrist. You were so lost in your euphoria that you didn't hear Ally's heels running through the house while she screamed your name. You only noticed her when she appeared in the bathroom and grabbed the blade out of your hand.
"NO WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
She didn't mean to yell, she was just scared.
"Ally stop I need to do it." It came out as a mumbled mess but she heard you. You looked up at her and saw the tears forming in her eyes. Now you really had to do it. You couldn't bear the thought of making her upset by your actions.
"Baby please talk to me. I'm worried".
"Ally i'm fine. Please just let me do it."
"No. I'm not gonna sit here and watch you kill yourself. Let me into your world"
Sobs escaped your mouth and she scooped you into her arms on the cold bathroom tiles. Your small, frail body made it easy for her to hold you like a baby.
"I can't do this anymore Ally. All I do is make you upset and worried. I'm just so tired."
"I know love. I think it's time to get you some help."
You knew it was true. It was time for help. You couldn't keep living like this. Waking up everyday wishing that you didn't was exhausting. All you could do was nod your head, as formulating words was too tiring.
"How about we get you into bed and figure all of this out tomorrow, yeah?"
"Yeah. Wait, why are you home early?"
"You weren't answering me and I was worried. There were no flights so I drove through the night to get home".
"I'm sorry Ally I didn't mean to make you do that".
"Shhh there's no need to apologize. I'm just glad my baby is okay."
She picked you up off the floor and carried you to the bed. After laying you down softly, she changed and joined you.
"I love you so incredibly much"
She kissed your forehead and pulled you into her embrace.
"I love you too. Thank you for saving my life" You mumbled into her chest.
"Thank you for letting me into your world".
This is absolutely horrible I'm so sorry. I had no idea where to take this so I rushed it lmao. But anywaysssss, I'm honestly not doing the best right now. I've been thinking about checking myself into rehab but at the same time I don't think I really need help. But I'll figure it out eventually. Hope you all are doing well. Feel free to message me if you wanna talk. Take care of yourselves
I love you
emelia xx
