Two Sides of the Same Coin (Fem. Percy x YJ)

Chapter 5

"This is way too easy," I whined, spinning around . "This is my first job with you guys since I've got back, and it's not even an interesting one." My words echoed around the silent bank. It really was easy but not enough to be concerned about it being a set-up. The tellers and patrons just had an actual dose of self-preservation.

For once. 

Dad mocked me with his hand. "Oh no, it's too easy robbing this bank, whatever shall I do?"

"Work on your comedy, old man." Each heavy step I took across the counter made the hostages jump and flinch. I scanned the dark lobby of the bank, smoke bombs tucked to my palm: ready and waiting. Moonlight beamed in through the skylight. (All banks in Gotham are required by law to have one for easy Batman access.) Still, the shadows were deep enough for Mrs. O'Leary to get me out if it came to it. I didn't like putting her in danger like this, but whatever we were after was big enough that they wanted me to lead any potential heroes away.

Dad rattled off a comment, stuck his switchblade under a man's chin, and got sparse applause. "See? They like my jokes."

"I don't see the point in forcing it." The strands of light wavered, then brightened. My eyes flicked to the skylight.

"You know my jokes are a-peel-ing." 

"Did you find it yet?" I asked Mom. She nodded, and I hummed. The bells on my hat tinkled as I look at the skylight now missing its glass. "The siege is never fun when invaders break through the walls, is it? The waiting's the fun part." It wasn't. My hands would always sweat, no matter how long I'd been doing missions. But without knowing who or what's on the roof, being cryptic was the best option. 

"The waiting's the set-up. And the breach is the punchline." Dad tossed me a switchblade-- "Kill someone if you have to!"-- before walking deeper into the bank.

"Keep them here, baby doll." Mom flicked my head and pranced off after him.

In the silence, a child started screaming. Partly, I was glad for the distraction.

"Aw, do you need a bed time story?" I cooed at the crying toddler and sat on the broken teller desk. I tossed a pack of bills, pulled from a magnetic plate behind the desk, between my hands.  "I think I've got a good one.

"See, it all started when I was six years old and I wasn't allowed to eat ice cream for breakfast." I swung my legs. Another kid started crying. "I know, right? But that meant I didn't have enough energy to win the kickball tournament, and my mother has always based her love on kickball tournaments. And my brother, well, he was naturally gifted at kickball. So you see, because of that, I need to steal all the money in this bank to buy the biggest kickball in the world, and make it so my brother, Roger, can't kick the ball, thus losing our mothers affection."

Villain monologues were hard to do, especially when you had no idea what was actually being stolen, or for what purpose. Much easier just to mash Doofenshmirtz backstories together. I was waiting for the day when someone would make a gigantification ray so I could do the molehill one.

And while Dad got on me about not doing them, because they distracted me and made me less likely to notice things---they didn't-- they had an added benefit. I grinned. The heroes always thought my 'distraction' would be enough for them to slip in.

Robin yelped as a smoke bomb exploded in his face. I took my chance and leapt off the counter. Keep them busy, that's all. Make sure they can't interrupt, make sure they can't get in the way.

"Now, you know it isn't very nice to crash a party." I hauled one of the crying children up. The pudgy three-year-old wailed. "It's dangerous. Someone might get hurt." My fingers were probably white under my gloves as I pressed the flat of the blade to the soft, fleshy neck. Please don't be stupid enough, I pleaded.

My heart thudded in my chest as things returned to a standstill. If I could just...keep them from moving, my job will be done. Robin frowned from behind the others: Kid Flash, Aqualad, and two people I didn't recognize. Must be the kiddie team. 

"How about you run along before you overstay your welcome? I'm quite cutting when it comes to my insults, and I'm sure you wouldn't want to be on the wrong end of a host's temper."

"Release the child," Aqualad said. "He's done nothing to you."

"I hate children. They're--" Something grabbed my wrist and yanked the knife away. In a flash, Kid Flash was sitting the kid back in his parent's arms. Gritting my teeth, I switched my grip on the knife and pulled.

"Miss Martian!"

Green blood splattered the floor. Miss Martian slipped back into visibility. I slammed my fist into her skull. She fell with a thump. Aqualad held out his arm, keeping the Superman clone from leaping at me.

"Who the hell is she?"

I grinned and bowed with a flourish, ducking under an arrow. "Jester." As I came back up, I looked at the archer. Artemis. It had to be. "And I'm very sorry for the inconvenience, but as you can tell all the tellers are busy. You might be better off coming back later."

"Jester, don't--" she started. I passed the fake bill stack behind the activation point and hurled it at her. It exploded in a spray of hot pink. A smile tugged at my lips. My powers made picking out the dummy packs easy. And it was easier still when they didn't put them in the bag to begin with.

"This is why Batman wears black!" Robin yelled. He threw a smoke bomb at my feet. He jumped at me, looped our arms, and let me swing him out of the cloud. It was the easiest way to make him look like he was doing something.

I didn't want to know what the others would do to him if they knew he wouldn't hurt me. Just like I didn't know what Bats would do to him if he knew I wouldn't hurt Robin.

"Rob!" Kid Flash yelled.

My hand dipped into a pocket, and small, freshly oiled bearing balls spilled across the floor. Kid Flash flailed and, unable to stop, slammed into a wall. I laughed.

"Don't fall over yourself because of me. It's really not befitting of a hero."

My earpiece crackled. "We've got it," Mom said.

Finally. I sighed and rolled smoke bombs between my fingers. My bed was sounding better and better with each passing second. With any luck I wouldn't sleep until five in the afternoon this time. It took maneuvering, careful dodges, careful strikes, not so careful stealing of Robin's grappling hook, but I made it under a window. A broken window right next to another rooftop.

"Reality is an illusion, held together by smoke and mist," I said, and the room filled with acrid smoke.

"Please just swap code names with Cheshire already." Artemis swung out the window after me. Definitely her if she wasn't that affected by it. "It would make things make so much more sense."

"She's never really grown a sense of humor, though. Unless she's eaten some cake since last time." Cool air blew through my hair, with the scent of exhaust and pollution on it like a horrible cologne. I walked to the edge of the roof and swung down to the fire escape. "Come visit sometime."

"Yeah, and get my face cut off?"

"Oh please, he only tried to cut off a grown man's face today." Swallowing, I looked up at her. Her head was framed by the moon. "I missed you."

"You don't get to be the one who says that when you're the one who went missing."

"Unfortunately, it's too late to say I don't want to be kidnapped. It's too much of a pattern. But seriously, I can convince Mom to make cookies. Just...don't bring them with you."

Robin and Artemis weren't going to have a fun time explaining this to the adults, and I doubted it would be different on my end.

Hello! I have not forgotten about this story

This chapter was just a pain in the butt to write and I'm still not that happy with it but its been...over a year? Uh, oops

Anyway

See yah