Then everything was grey, now it's just static

Chapter 3

Since he was a little boy, Carlos had hated taking pills. His mother had always told him he had to give them to him like her husband's German shepherd, with a syringe or mixed in with his food.

But the last few days were taking their toll on him. The headache, which had started to hit him like a drum beat when the first effects of the damn drug Sadie had made him take had worn off, was still terrible.

He was also tired, wiped, in fact; as much as he'd been able to sleep since they'd left the hospital, rest was out of the question for someone who was so worried about his boyfriend's nightmares.

The pill left a terrible taste in his mouth, or maybe it was just the hangup he had for pills in general, so he had to drink half a bottle of juice from the fridge to make himself feel better.

They had gone to bed late. TK had insisted on watching TV until he fell asleep curled up in Carlos's arms. The cop had decided not to move no matter how much his back was killing him, and he had spent almost two hours in that same position so as not to disturb TK.

But when he was with him, TK seemed calm; the nightmares disappeared when he was in his arms, there were times when TK slept without shaking and although the doctor had told them that it was normal, that TK was going through a stronger detox than Carlos because of his past with drugs, Carlos was still worried to see him shaking, to see him sobbing in his sleep and to know that he was having a bad time. But nothing could be done to help him.

So he stayed there on the couch, watching a couple of documentaries about the most curious animals on the planet and another about whales in their natural habitat while he let TK rest on him, his hand caressing his back and side, kissing his head when he heard him moan or when he stirred and the nightmares seemed to come back.

During the night, before going to bed, Owen texted him.

"I hope I'm not disturbing you. You're probably asleep by now, but I have a bad feeling. How's TK?"

"He had a breakdown today. He's not doing well and I think his brain is struggling with his emotions. Part of TK knows he hasn't relapsed, Sadie forced him to take the drug. But his feelings are telling him very different and painful things."

"I know those emotions. I'm sorry you have to go through it alone. I wish I could be closer and help."

"You're there, you're his father and I'm sure he'll get over it and he'll call you himself in a few days."

"You know where I am if you need me and, about TK's breakdowns, don't let him out of your sight."

"Yeah, I remember the kidnapping."

"No, Carlos, I mean don't let him out of your sight for a second." Carlos looked at TK who was sleeping on top of him. "If I'm being honest, Gwyn knew a lot more about these moments than I did. It's awful of me to say, but if it hadn't been for her... I was obsessed with work for a long time. Gwyn put the brakes on a lot of scares and I'm not the best person to tell you how to prevent anything from happening now."

"I've noticed that TK is on the edge of a cliff," Carlos replied. "I'm afraid I don't know how to build a strong enough barrier."

"You'll do fine, and if you need anything just tell me."

He barely managed to get TK to bed, but his boyfriend didn't wake up, not when he laid him down, nor when he made him turn over to settle next to him. TK continued to sleep, and Carlos spent much of the rest of the night watching him, but this time in bed.

So headache, back pain, and tiredness had become Carlos's worst enemies and only the pills he hated taking could do anything about it.

And worst of all, he had to work.