Then everything was grey, now it's just static

Chapter 4

Carlos felt his heart stop.

He had had that nightmare dozens of times over the past weeks. He had woken up with his heart pounding when he didn't notice TK's body in bed next to him. If he reached out and couldn't touch him, he would suddenly sit up and look around, get up and walk around the apartment.

It wasn't very big so he only had to move around a little to find him.

He had never found him doing anything dangerous, nothing that could pose a risk.

For a moment, he thought he was in the middle of a new nightmare, maybe he had fallen asleep and hadn't noticed. But he quickly realized that this was not the case. He was wide awake, overwhelmed and terrified by the sight before him.

"What are you doing, my love?"

TK turned around, staggered and leaned against the wall; he gripped the pill bottle tightly and stared at it.

"I don't know," TK mumbled and looked up to meet Carlos's eyes. "I was going to take a bath to relax a bit, I was looking in the mirror for a moment and when I opened the medicine cabinet, I found these."

Carlos walked slowly, approaching TK, never taking his eyes off him for fear that he would run away. He held out his hands, moving as if he had a wild animal in front of him that might escape.

"Give me the pills, my love."

"I'm not going to take them."

"I know, I know you won't, but I need you to give them to me."

TK looked at them again, heard them clinking inside the bottle and felt his hand tremble, but he gripped them tighter, until Carlos's hand closed around his and, with slow but sure movements, he took them from him.

"Carlos, I promise you I wasn't going to..."

The cop's embrace made him stop talking, he felt himself squeezed in his arms, but he didn't care, he felt himself running out of breath, but he was okay. He rested his head on Carlos's shoulder and let him pull him out of the tub.

He could carry him, he could carry him in his arms to the bed and he could stay there, with him, hugging him, lying down, his legs intertwined with TK's. He wanted to stay glued to him all night, not let him slip away and be sure nothing else was happening.

"I mean it, I didn't want to take the pills." TK's voice was still shaking and he held on tightly to Carlos.

The cop looked down at the bottle; he hadn't had a chance to look at them properly. When he did, he gasped. He recognized them—they weren't for headaches, they weren't the herbal sleeping pills.

He threw them against the wall and burst into tears, trying to cover his face with both hands, as if TK wouldn't notice. TK flinched at the gesture, Carlos had never been the violent type by any stretch of the imagination, he didn't usually let his emotions get the better of him. Certainly, crying inconsolably was something TK wasn't prepared for.

It was true what he had said, he hadn't intended to take any pills, although he wasn't clear why he had picked them up. He had seen them, they had called to him, and a part of him had felt weak and capable of anything not to feel sad.

But his willpower had been made stronger by thinking of Carlos and, thinking of him, the moment had passed.

"Carlos, my love, Carlos, I promise you I don't... I don't know where those pills came from."

"I do." Carlos's breathing quickened until he was gasping, barely able to speak through the tears. "They're mine... Shit, TK, those pills are mine. They were prescribed to me by the doctor for anxiety after the fire."