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chapter sixteen heart to heart
Alex watches cross-legged from her seat atop the toy chest as Eleven flinches when Mike punctures a hole through a piece of lined paper. A replica of what Mr. Clarke had shown them earlier that day. She manages to slip through the fingers of her family's grasp and into the back of the Wheeler's car. Her family is slowly suffocating her from the inside out, and she thinks that things were better when her parents were not there. Maybe that's their way of loving her—smothering her with concern to make for all the times they weren't there (it's funny how it takes a tragedy for her parents to open their eyes and see the calamity of their choices). But Alex doesn't want to be loved like this; loved until she feels like she will crack under the weight of their worry. After all, it shouldn't be remarkable to be treated with care by the people who are meant to love you.
Her sleeves are rolled up her arms, revealing scarred elbows and she's escaped the confines of the dress and no longer feels as though she's trapped in a cage. Her cheeks aren't as rosy anymore and her hair hangs loosely down her back and falls into her face. She looks like a mess, but at least she is free. She's Alex again—the real one, not the image that her parents have of her in their heads. Perhaps that is what hurts the most about her parents being home, that they are still more in love with the idea that they have of her rather than the real Alex. Maybe it's their way of trying to ignore the effects of their choices. A picture-perfect family on the outside to maintain the image.
Eleven, Alex hasn't failed to notice is still Eleanor. She still wears Eleanor's skin and hair and clothes, but she is not Eleanor. Only pretending to be her. Eleanor, who has blonde hair, rosy cheeks, and wears a pretty pink dress and white converse, and above all, is normal. Fundamentally, she is still Eleven. Eleven, who has buzzed hair, a tattoo of a number on her wrist, and possesses abilities beyond their comprehension. Eleven is in love with the idea of Eleanor. A normal girl. A pretty girl (not that Alex doesn't think that Eleven was pretty before Eleanor came into existence). But Eleanor doesn't exist. Eleven cannot change who she is any more than Alex's parents can change who she is. But that isn't to say Eleven can't grow into someone who is like Eleanor.
Alex's attention is turned toward Dustin. She watched him pace the length of the room, swiveling around quickly at each end. He seems to be trapped in his own mind, miles away from the conversation at hand as he stares down at something cradled in his palms.
"It would take a lot of energy to build a gate like this," Mike's explanation draws her attention back to him. "But that's gotta be what happened, right? Otherwise, how did Will get there, right?"
