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chapter twenty-six sharks in the water
They regroup on the bleachers in a tight cluster. El is at the epicenter of their cluster, wrapped in a soft towel. Hopper's flannel jacket sits around her shoulders. She's still cold to the touch. She leans her head against Mike's shoulder. Alex smiles at the notion. El trusts Mike wholeheartedly and so does he. She can see just how much they care about each other and it warms her heart. There are thousands of stars in the galaxy—more stars inhabit their night sky than grand of sand inhabit their beaches—and the sky is full of them, but Mike only looks at El.
Lucas sits on the row above El and Mike and keeps a comforting hand on the girl's shoulder and rubs it in a circular motion. El looks so weak, so faint, it's a wonder that she's managed to keep her eyes open for this long. Alex wouldn't be surprised if she suddenly just vanished as if she were nothing more than a phantom. Alex stays at Dustin's side, and his arm remains around her shoulders the entire time. Her limbs still tremble and she feels so tired still. She doesn't know exactly what happened to her, but she knows that she never wants to feel like that again.
Hopper, Jonathan, and Joyce converse in hushed tones, only a few feet away. The message is clear—they are going alone. There is no use fighting Hopper's rules. Alex knows this. She only hears snippets of their hushed conversation, something about Castle Byers—whatever that is, Alex is not sure. Alex does not have the energy to listen in on their conversation. Nancy is nowhere to be found. She disappears when Alex is not looking. The guilt of Barbara's death became too much. Alex wishes there was a way to tell Nancy that she felt the same pressure of guilt weighing down on her shoulders. She wants to tell Nancy that she understands her pain more acutely than anybody else in the gym. She wants to tell Nancy that she's here for her if she ever needs anybody to talk to.
And then they leave and the world falls silent.
Alex leans against Dustin and closes her eyes. Dustin pulls her closer and rubs her arm comfortingly. Dustin is warm. Alex smiles and leans into his touch. But this touch is different from the touch that Mike and El share. Alex knows this and Dustin knows this too. She would take a bullet for Dustin in the same way that she would take a bullet for El and Mike and Lucas. She loves Dustin in the way that she loves the rest of them—platonically and unapologetically. She knows that she does not feel that way about Dustin—or any of her companions—without a doubt, no question about it.
But that's not the question that plagues her. It isn't does she? it's shouldn't she? And she doesn't see why not. She's a girl. He's a boy. She cares about Dustin. Dustin cares about her. Isn't that how it works? A boy and girl can never be friends. They're always something more and if they're not, then they're just hiding it from each other—they'll get together eventually. But Alex cannot remember a time when she's ever felt that way about a boy. Not about kind, sweet Will. Not about Dustin. Not about Lucas. Not about the boys who poked fun of her on the playground (because boys only pick on you when they like you).
