The Way I Loved You | Tobias Eaton

five

    before,
    Tobias, age 18
    two years ago

I extract my arm from under Fallon's sleeping form as gently as I could, hoping I wouldn't wake her.

Seeing her so completely heartbroken broke my heart in turn. Every keening sob that left her felt like a hot dagger to my heart and it took her hours of heart-wrenching crying until she'd finally exhausted herself enough to fall asleep.

Pressing a kiss to her temple I mutter another quick 'I love you' before I creep out of her room.

"So, you're the boy she has been sneaking out to see for the last year."

Her mother's voice stops me as I quietly pull her door shut behind me.

She smiles at me, probably to let me know neither of us are in trouble for constantly disappearing with one another, but it never meets her eyes.

"What's your name, young man?"

"Tobias, ma'am." I simply reply, not knowing what else I can say. Telling her I'm sorry for her loss feels like it'll just remind her of it and so, I choose not to.

"I don't think I've ever seen my girl smile more than she does since she's met you," She states, "Fallon loves you."

"I love her, too." I don't skip a beat on my reply.

Her mother's smile widens, the closest thing to a genuine one I've seen from her so far. "I know. I see it in the way you look at her. A love like yours is hard to come by, Tobias. Cherish it."

"Always," I mutter, feeling a heavy weight settle in my chest. "If you'd excuse me, ma'am, I have to get going. Would you please let Fallon know I'll drop by as soon as I can when she wakes up?"

Her Mom nods, smiling at me softly, looking genuinely happy for her daughter despite her loss.

As my fingers curl around the handle of their front door, Fallon's mother calls out to me, making me pause.

"I'm glad she has you," She says, managing to put so much emotions into such little words that it makes my heart ache a little. "And please, call me Diane."

Little does she know, I'll probably be her daughter's downfall.

I smile at her over my shoulder, "It was nice to meet you, Diane."

Without waiting for her response, I pulled the door open and left.

It was already starting to get dark out. In other words, it was way past time for me to get home and I had no doubt that Marcus was going to rain down hell on me when I do.

I admit, I'm afraid of what Marcus would do to me when I got back. But the look of despair on Fallon's face had almost killed me and I knew as soon as I saw how upset she was that there was no way I was leaving her in the state that she was in. Even if it meant having to endure the brunt of Marcus's fists.

To this day, Fallon is still oblivious to what goes on within the walls of my home, and that's how I intended on keeping it.

As shitty as I felt for lying to her, Fallon was my safe haven- the one person in my life I could go to whenever I needed a reprieve. Though I knew Fallon well enough to know that the truth wouldn't change the way she sees me, there's still a small part of me that worries it might. And so, I take the coward's way out and hide it from her.

Fallon loves her parents dearly. So much so that even though I get the feeling that the Abnegation lifestyle wasn't necessarily for her and she dreams of leaving, she would stay for them.

That's what we'd planned. And I agreed because even suggesting that Fallon left her parents would kill her, even more so now that it means that her mom would be left alone. I couldn't do that to her as much as I wanted the whole deal with marriage and the kids. Specifically, I wanted that with her.

I pause when I arrive at the front door of the place I'm supposed to call my home, though it feels nothing like it.

It feels as if my legs are about to give up on me. Like my feet have been frozen to the ground and I couldn't move. I'm not sure if I wanted to either.

Eventually, I take a deep breath and force myself forward.

The house is eerily silent as I shut the door behind me with a resounding click. The sound rings in my ear and it feels as if by closing myself in, I've just sealed my own fate.

There, in the middle of the living room, my father sits on a chair with his hands clasped together in front of him and his head hung low.

It's obvious he's been sitting there for a while as he awaited my return. It's like he was absolutely sure I would return eventually. Like he knew there wasn't a possibility that I would run from him. And for some reason, that disturbed me to no end. He doesn't even look up when he asks, "Where have you been?"

I flinch at the sound of his voice that had sounded like a gunshot against the silent room.

Clenching my fists at my sides, I will my hands not to shake. I knew what was going to happen next. I was used to it, even. But that didn't stop the fear from creeping in every time it happened.

"Answer me!" Marcus shouts when I don't answer, shooting up from his seat so fast that he sends the chair toppling over behind him.

He marches towards me and I make no move to back away from him even though my instincts urge me to, knowing that would only make things worse.

Marcus balls the collar of my shirt in his hands and jerks me forward he's all up in my face, "Where were you?"

"Out," I answer, my voice surprisingly steady.

There's no way I would risk telling him about Fallon. If he hurts her...I don't think I would ever be able to forgive myself. I doubted that he would, but I wasn't willing to take any chances on Fallon's safety.

"Out?" Marcus scoffs, sending spittle flying toward my face. "You think you can come and go as you please? This isn't a hotel, boy! You live under my roof and so you'll follow my rules!"

He yells, raising his fist above his head. I squeeze my eyes shut, bracing myself for what's to come.

I take every hit he doles out, never once making a sound. Fallon needed me tonight, and so I stayed. I would've done it all again in a heartbeat...I'm just not sure if I can handle staying for much longer.