The Way I Loved You | Tobias Eaton

fifteen

Tobias

I used to think that there was a special kind of hell for the kind of people we would consider monsters- people like my father.

I didn't think I fit into that category.

Yet, here I was, living in a kind of hell that makes it feel like you're burning from the inside out.

I watched as Fallon tips her head back in laughter at something the Erudite transfer- Joe, or something along those lines- had said. It's been like this for the past week and my fist clenches where it rests on the dining table around my cup.

My eyes snap to meet Zeke's when I hear him snort in amusement.

"Bro, I know how durable stainless steel is, but at the rate we're going, you'll be crushing that thing in your fist in no time." He teases and I rolled my eyes at him.

Shauna, another good friend of mine and also Zeke's girlfriend, leans forward in her seat with sudden interest.

"Which is she?" She asks and I glared at Zeke for opening his big mouth.

My friend simply shrugs, watching Shauna proceed to interrogate me in amusement.

I tune my friends out, my gaze unconsciously shifting to find the girl of my dreams smiling up at someone who isn't me.

"Ah," Shauna says as she follows my gaze to see what it was that had caught my interest, "Looks like you've got competition."

I exhaled sharply as she continues, oblivious to my inner turmoil.

"He's closing in, Four. You need to make yourself known."

Zeke snorts at that, "He's giving her space." He wrinkles his nose as if the word had somehow offended him.

"That's what she wants," I state, "I'm not going to be that person who forces her into something she doesn't want."

"And what about you?" Shauna raises a brow at me.

I frown at her, "What about me?"

"What do you want?" She asks.

As if to answer my question for me, I find my gaze fleeting back to Fallon and as if she feels it on her, she raises her eyes to meet mine.

The force of her gaze feels as if it'd knocked the air right out of my lungs, just like it always does.

Fallon offers me a small smile and raises her hand in a wave.

I return a smile and Shauna lets out a wistful smile in front of me.

"You're such a goner," She says.

I don't deny it. Mostly because I knew I was, too. Not many people can say that they've fallen in love and stayed in love at my age. And as heartbreaking as it was at the moment, I'm glad that I'm able to say that I have. 

"Well, if that's the case, don't lose her," Shauna says as if she had a sneak peek to what was going through my head.

"I'm trying," I grunt.

"Have you told her how you feel?"

I let out another grunt. In truth, it doesn't feel like my words did what I felt for her justice. And perhaps a part of me fears she wouldn't feel for me as fiercely as I do her.

Shauna points a finger at me, "That's your problem, right there."

"She said she wanted space, Shauna," I tell her, feeling like a broken record at this point.

"So, if she decides at the end of this that she'd rather date the pretentious blonde, you'll be okay with that?" She asks next.

No. That is the first thing that pops into my head. It isn't a matter of if I'll be happy for her if that was truly what she wanted. It was just that I couldn't see her with anyone other than myself.

When I remain silent, Shauna takes it as her chance to pry more into the matter. "And at what point do you decide that it's time to give up on her?"

It's clear my friend was feeling awfully shrink-like today, but I hated to admit that she had a point.

Though it feels as if Fallon Hastings has been mine ever since the day I'd laid eyes on her and that she was meant to be mine, it also feels as if she's been slipping through my fingers and I have no idea how to get her back.

"I hurt her when I transferred," I confessed, "And right now, it doesn't feel like I have a right to demand much from her."

"So, you let her date someone else?" Zeke asks, earning himself a smack in the arm from Shauna. "Ow!" He yelled, rubbing the spot.

Shauna rolls her eyes at him, "Don't be dramatic, it didn't hurt that much." She then glances over her shoulder once again at Fallon, "Are you seriously going to tell me that you'll be okay if she moves on to...that?"

I can't help but chuckle at the way she says it and she leans forward to whisper, "Go get the damn girl, you doofus."

Deciding that she's right, I raise from my seat, drawing eyes towards me at my sudden movements.

I stride down the pathway between the benches of the dining room until I stopped before Fallon's table.

Her eyes widen almost comically when she spots me and I lean down until my lips almost brush the shell of her ear.

"A word, Fal."

The eyes of her entire table are on us now, and Fallon shifts uncomfortably in her seat.

"Right now?" She whispers.

"Right now," I confirm, holding her gaze.

Whatever she sees in them makes her eyes soften as she raises from her seat.

I clasp her hand in mine as soon as she stands, to hell with whoever sees it and lead her out of the dining hall with determined steps.

Whether or not this works, I was going to make my feelings for her clear.

I was going to get my girl.