The Way I Loved You | Tobias Eaton

six

It's been two whole weeks. Two weeks since I last saw Fallon. Two weeks since I'd last held her in my arms. Since I'd last kissed her or told her how much I love her. And it was the worst kind of torture, worse than anything Marcus could ever do to me.

What killed me the most was that I was choosing tomorrow. The idea that I would be leaving without ever seeing her again makes it feel like my heart was crushed to pieces inside of my chest.

No, I had to see her.

Fallon deserved an explanation, or at least the closest thing to one that I could offer.

I waited until Marcus had fallen asleep last night to sneak out, hoping that after disappearing her, she would still be open to seeing me.

Wiping my sweaty palms against the material of my pants, I make my way through the rows of identical-looking houses with my heart hammering against my chest like a wild animal trying to escape.

Finally, I make it to Fallon's home, relieved to see that the lights were still on in her room.

I could see her moving about inside through her open window and I take a minute to admire her beauty, drinking in every single detail of her that I might never be able to see again.

As if feeling my gaze on her, Fallon turns and like moths drawn to a flame, our eyes immediately find one another's.

Her lips part in a gasp, and she drops everything in her hands, rushing out her door in an instant. Before she could greet me, I take her hand in mine, leading her away from her house and towards our tree.

Fallon seem to pick up on where we were heading on follows quietly though I could tell she was burning with questions.

As my favourite oak tree comes into view, I can't help but feel a full pang in my chest. In a way, it was nothing short of symbolic, really. How it all began right here under this very tree...and how it's all going to come to an end right here, just as it had started.

"Tobias," Fallon breathes my name, throwing her arms around me in a hug so tight it has me wincing at the pain that shoots through my sides, where my father had left me with a particularly large bruise. Still, I say nothing as I wrap her in my arms.

It was selfish, I know. But I just wanted to hold her one last time.

"Where have you been?" She demands, "I've been worried sick!"

"I'm sorry," I mutter. Though, I wasn't quite sure what I was apologising for- that I've worried her, or for the pain I'm about to cause her.

She pauses thoughtfully for a moment, "Is everything okay?"

I hated how her voice sounded so small, so unsure. And how clings to me as if she's afraid that if she lets go, I'll disappear. Even more so, I hate that I'm about to turn her fears into reality.

In an ideal world, I would have everything; a nice family and the perfect girl- my girl. The one who I now hold in my arms, knowing that I'm going to have to let her go if I wanted a chance at a normal life.

Fate could be a real bitch sometimes, couldn't it?

"I'm sorry," I say again.

"Tobias, what going on?" Fallon asks, her brows furrowed with concern.

"I'm leaving," The words stumble out of my mouth.

Fallon's face falls and she stumbles away from me. I find myself missing her presence against me.

"What?" She whispers, "But what about..."

She didn't have to complete her sentence. I knew what she was trying to say.

What about our plans? Our future? Us?

"Fal, we kids when we made those plans. Things change."

"They haven't for me," She backs away from me even further, wrapping her arms around herself as if they could shield her from me.

Fallon looks up at me with glassy eyes and my heart clenches at the sight.

Then, she lets out a humourless laugh, "I don't understand. I thought..."

"I never wanted to stay, Fal. I guess in a way, I've always known." I say, willing her to see things from my perspective, "I hate this place and everything in it. There's nothing for me here."

"I'm here," She says brokenly.

I squeeze my eyes shut, cursing myself for not thinking my words through before speaking them.

"Fal, that's not what I meant-"

Without waiting for an explanation, Fallon turns on her heels and races across the field.

"Fallon!" I yelled, taking off after her. "Fallon, slow down. It's late, it's not safe for you to be running off on your own!"

She never replies me as she continues forward, not bothering to wait. I could hear her sobbing from where I was behind her and the sound killed me. But this had to be done.

"Fallon, please." I begged, desperation clawing at my throat with every step I see her take that leads her away from me. "I never wanted to hurt you. You are the best thing that ever happened to me, Fal."

"That doesn't change the fact that you're leaving me!" Her cries, her words ending in a heart-wrenching sob.

"Fallon," I say her name like it's a prayer, "There are things you don't know about-"

"Then, tell me, Tobias!" She sobs, tears wetting her cheeks. "Help me understand."

"It's not that simple," I pleaded with my eyes, "It kills me that I'm leaving you behind, but I can't stay here." I let out a shuddering breath, reaching up to rub at the aching feeling in my chest at the sight of her broken gaze, "I just need to do this one thing for myself."

Her eyes soften at my words, "Why can't you just tell me what it is?"

Because I'm a coward who wouldn't be able to take it if you so much as looked at me even the slightest bit differently.

I swallow, tearing my eyes away from hers and lowering them to the ground in shame.

Suddenly, I feel her hands around me as she buries her face in the crook of my neck.

"All I ever wanted was for you to be happy, Toby." She mumbles, so softly I almost miss it.

I was happy. I just didn't know if it was enough to get me through Marcus's constant abuse. I don't tell her that though, instead, I crush her against me, basking in the relief her presence brings me.

Then, with a kiss on my cheek, she's gone. Leaving me to mourn the loss of the love of my life.

As I watched her retreating form draw further and further away from me, leaving my heart in pieces at my feet, I realise something that has my heart feeling like it was breaking apart all over again; I never told her how much I loved her one last time.

But I do. I don't think I'll ever stop loving her.