THE DARE | BWWM 18+ (editing)

lii - apologies and orgasms*

I R I S

__________________

I lost myself in Leo.

I've been messy and a wild card.

Or did I find myself in him?

I finally found someone who doesn't judge me and accepts me for who I am.

I guess that's what happens when someone who's been abused and mistreated in relationships before. I got so hypnotized by all the good that I failed to pay attention to the little details.

I've glorified murder. I've danced with violence. And I'm upset with myself because I don't feel bad at all. I don't regret any of it. I do regret the friendships that ended and that lives had to be lost, but they were well-deserved.

I could not be happier that Leo is alive but God, I am so mad at him. When I thought that he died, it felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest and crushed until it stopped beating. I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on anyone. So to find out from the man himself that he was alive and in hiding kind of makes me want to punch him in the face if I'm being completely honest.

That was a dickhead move.

I am still in love with him, there's no doubt about that. But he's going to have to work to win me back. Because after all the pain, and the training I went through, I am not the same sweet Iris.

I mean yeah, I killed people but that was out of convenience. Now I can kill people if I simply feel like it. It's really a new level of murderer and it takes a lot of self-control to not kill someone who looks at me wrong on the street.

After arguing with Leo, I locked myself in the room and he's been knocking at the door for the past two hours. He's even sliding notes under the door telling me how sorry he is and how much he loves me in an attempt to get my attention and as sweet as they are, I'm not giving in so easily.

"Go away!" I yell and throw my shoe at the door. I hear the doorknob move for a little and I groan in annoyance.

"Leo, fuck of- oh. Hello," I say to Eleanor who walks into the room.

"I come bearing a much-needed girl talk," she says as she walks through the door with water, a bin full of snacks, and a tub of ice cream. She is so pretty. What the hell?

"Eleanor," I reply. "If Leo sent you here, you might as well leave now."

"Oh, honey Leo didn't send me here. Matter of fact, he couldn't tell me what to do even if he tried." she boasts and I chuckle.

"What was that, E?" I hear Leo say muffled through the door.

"This is a girls-only space. Go away," she says loud enough for him to hear and his footsteps fade down the stairs.

"So he listens to you but not me?" I scoff. "Typical."

"It's only because he knows I won't hesitate to stab him," she shrugs.

"I could stab him," I retort because it sounds like she's underestimating me.

"Could, but you won't," she says opening a pack of Skittles.

I grab the tub of ice cream and start to dig in. "And why wouldn't I? How can be you so sure?"

"Easy," she immediately replies. "Because you're in love with him." Damn. She ain't even think about it.

"Okay," I laugh dryly. "Just because I love him doesn't mean I have to accept what he did and forgive him right away. I'm not going to let him walk all over me. What the fuck am I? His doormat?" I question and roll my eyes.