In The Aftermath of Us

Madness

Madness

There she sat out at Hunt's Point, the crispness of the late winter night nipped at her fingers, as they fiddled with a piece of paper. One that held secrets and revelations no doubt. A piece of paper that held within its borders 22 years of unspoken words. Or so she thought. Never in all her life had she expected to feel more helpless, more broken, after reading its contents.
"What we were to each other was never real..."
"Screw him" she muttered as her mind raced. What was he trying to tell her? That 12 years of soulful, meaningful connection, was worthless... that it all meant nothing? If so that meant she lived a lie for 12 years of her life. That and all of the pain she had felt in his absence was for nothing, that it was only her mourning a relationship that to him was null and void.
And at that moment she wished he had never come back from Italy. And in that same split second, she felt her heart break all over again. Just like that day Cragen had stuck the dagger in her. It was like she was losing him all over again, only he was still here. But somehow even still, an eternity separated them from each other and the truth.
"We got in the way of each other..."
Maybe the words he spoke held an ounce of truth. Twelve years she had spent in his shadow, she was his junior in every way, even if they were equals. While in the 10 years of his absence she had ascended to the role of Captain, she had grown, and blossomed in the wake of him. Though not all of it had been grand. Three failed relationships, 3 hostage situations, and 4 days in hell, that was the nightmare he had left her in; all the while he sat on his balcony in Rome. She had wished for years that he would one day pick up the phone, respond to a text, hell just one day show up out of nowhere. It was August of 2017 when she had finally stopped expecting a miracle. Miracles weren't something that happened to her, she wasn't lucky. She was merely in the right place at the right time.
It was a simple conclusion to the pain she felt stir within her. It was time to lay Elliot Stabler to rest at long last. Or she would never forgive herself for the drama he'd knowingly drag her into. That and she would never forgive him for the crime scene he had made of her once beating heart.