Addicted To Herron

Stressed Out

third person POV

exhaustion fell easily upon zach and y/n. having been a couple for a little while now, y/n had grown used to being herself around zach and certainly felt that zach reciprocated those feelings, so while some more recent things about him did concern her, she tried not to pry, as she knew that zach was being as honest as he could be with her. y/n tried to convince herself that it's just the busy time of year and that it would get better for him, that it's just a little bit of stress right now, but always, she had that feeling in the back of her brain that maybe he wasn't okay as he portrayed with her. a few swollen eye sockets and some symptoms of insomnia weren't enough for her to stage an intervention however. y/n knew that zach wasn't someone who easily opened up about how he felt. she didn't exactly know why this was something he struggled with, but she'd always suspected that he either didn't want to take down his wall and show that he's struggled before, or that he always wants to be the hero for the people in his life who are suffering. If he shows that he struggles, then he's letting down a fan who relies on him for strength and that wasn't something he was willing to risk.

however, y/n did know zach pretty well. zach's management had been putting him under an enormous amount of stress recently with publicity issues and album decisions and to keep himself looking strong and stress free, he shoved all of his thoughts inside and forced himself to keep quiet about it all. it did work for a while, but there is no such thing as limited space and zach broke. it first happened about three weeks ago, when going 48 hours without sleep reached him and once y/n had fallen asleep, he couldn't help but sob into his pillow. frustrations poured out of him and forced him into a vulnerable position with no one there to help him through it. this sudden outburst began the cycle of breakdowns, at least one occurring every night before he fell asleep until he tired himself out enough to the point of his body shutting down and letting him get some rest.

zach thought that this was his coping method, that mental breakdowns were the best way for him to release his anxiety and to have him let go, but by the abundances of them, it is clear that while it felt good at the time, sobbing yourself to sleep is only a temporary solution to a problem that needs a more permanent fix.

y/n's pov

my body collapsed gently on the bed as i curled my legs into my chest and slipped underneath the silky sheets. beside me, my boyfriend pulled his shirt over his head and then laid down by my body, giving me an exhausted look. I looked at him with concern, understanding that he was doing his best, but couldn't work up the nerve to ask him what was wrong. if i'd done that, then i knew he would cry right here and now and despite the length of our relationship, i don't feel prepared to watch him breakdown just yet.

instead, i pecked his lips, whispered three words and turn my back so that i could try my best to get some sleep. beside me, i could hear him twisting and turning, trying his best to get comfortable. tonight, the first real night of concern, i squeezed my eyes closed and wished for myself to go to sleep, but the thoughtful part of my brain knew that watching zach suffer alone was worse than giving him poor advice or risking the potential of causing him greater pain. while i carry my own insecurities and fears about hurting him, my ignorance is only allowing him to dig himself into a deeper hole.

silence filled the room for half an hour before i heard the first whimper. it was quiet, and i almost ignored it, but a minute later, i heard a louder one that turned into a few more cries that were muffled by the pillow that i instincively knew he was shoving into his face to keep himself quiet. i physically felt my heart sink into my stomach as i sat up in the bed and let the comforter fall to my waist. i waited for him to notice for a moment, but instead he shut himself up and laid completely still until i turned on the bedside light, blinding both him and myself.

this allowed zach to sit up and sniffle. he tried to give me his best confused look, staring me as i watched his eyes pray that his face didn't show his previous actions. zach's voice was sore and exhausted as he spoke, "y/n, what's wrong? are you okay?"

i shook my head and he sat up, doing his best to put on his hero face that i knew pained him even deeper, "zach," i whispered sympathetically, "you can talk to me, baby."

"about what, y/n?" he tried to cover up his thoughts, but his cheeks grew redder as y/n frowned.

"love, you don't have to build up this wall around me. i'm sorry for not making that clear with you from the beginning. i love you so much and i want you to know that you always have me here to help you through it. you can talk to me."

"it's not that simple, y/n," zach shakes his head, "i'm fine. it's my own fault and i don't need to drag you into my mess of a life. you don't deserve that."

"zach, you are my mess of a life. Your problems are our problems now and you can tell me things. I can help you like you help everyone else. It's okay to let go of the cape sometimes."

"Y/n, i'm fine," My boyfriend fails to tell me, "I'm stressed about work, that's all it is. Just some stress."

"You haven't been the same for months now and I can hear you at night, zach," I inform him and water builds up behind his eyes, "A little bit of stress is normal; it's good. But if you're having anxiety attacks several times a week, then it's not okay and i want to help you. I hate seeing you in pain just as much as you hating see me in your position."

Zach thought about my words for a second and soon enough, i could hear the cracking in his voice, "it's just been really hard, y/n."

i nod my head, my heart shattering as i wrap my arms around his back and pull him into my chest. Zach rests his head in my shoulder and i can feel the tears falling down my back as he held me tightly as i squeezed him back. i rubbed his back soothingly, closing my back and letting myself relax against his body to comfort him.

"e-everyone w-w-wa-wants sum-summthin' and i feel like i can't do anything right anymore," He lets out a loud sob at the end of his thoughts, before screaming a little bit in frustration, "it's like i'm not–not enough for them. i can never be what they want me to be."

"shhh, it's okay love. you are perfectly enough. you are doing the absolute best you can, you always do, and that's enough," I tell him softly. While I know he might not listen to it right now, I hope that in the future, I can tell him again and he'll know it.

"everyone tried to warn us–to warn me about the industry and the lifestyle, but i-i-i wanted it so badly and i never listened. i should've listened," Zach explained and I could feel my heart hurt even more than before. Music is something that Zach has always loved and wanted to do, but because of some petty managers and extreme rules, he didn't feel like following his dreams was worth it.

"I know it's hard, baby, i know," I told him, "But i promise you, at the lowest point, it can only get better. It will get better. We're gonna fix it, we're gonna make things better."

"how? how can we?" He cries out.

"We can't do it tonight, but zach, my promise to you is that when you are in a better mental state, you and i will figure this out. We'll find a solution," I explain, "And until then, you need to get some sleep so that you are well rested and we can find the right battle to win."

I sat with my legs parallel to the bed and zach sat parallel to me, his head leaning into my side as i gently ran my fingers through his hair to calm him down a little bit. Zach cried for a little bit longer, but within a few minutes, he was breathing normal and his eyes were closed as he rested against my sleep. I let out a sigh of relief when i could feel that his breathing was regular and his body was fast sleep. Through all of the pain, he just needed a little bit of love and compassion to get him some sleep.