inTOXICated

inTOXICated part five

It was hard leaving Jungkook. It was hard knowing that he was gone forever. What you had with him was over. There was nothing left of the relationship you once had. You ended it, for good.

As much as it hurt, you felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. You felt your pain slowly healing. It had been just over a month and you were becoming yourself again. Having ended it yourself brought you a sense of closure you had never had before.

You didn't think of him much anymore. The idea of him faded away like a distant memory. He was gone.

You didn't talk to Chae about what happened. In all honesty, you didn't feel like you could talk to anyone about what happened. Chae loved you, but you knew she wouldn't be too kind about her thoughts on Jungkook and how he treated you. She didn't understand.

Then there was Jimin. Poor Jimin, the boy you had been avoiding for weeks. You couldn't bring yourself to talk to him. You felt horrible for what happened between you. You loved Jimin, you truly did, but not in the way he would want you too.

A part of you wished you never met Jungkook. If you had never met Jungkook, you would have saved yourself so much pain and misery at his hands. You would have never experienced heartbreak, never known true loss.

If you hadn't met Jungkook, maybe you would have been with Jimin, happy and loved. You pictured what life would be like with Jimin. With someone who would have loved you with his entire heart and never hurt you. You would be happy with him. In love with a boy who loved you back. A boy who would try for you. Who would treat you right and never hurt you.

It was a nice idea.

But you knew better than to ever think you could have such a fantasy. You weren't meant for that perfect fairytale romance.

Chae was sitting on her bed, strumming her guitar, playing a gentle tune. She hummed to the beat, her voice sounding like an angel's. You read your beaten-up copy of Rebecca, you were trying to lose yourself in a book with the type of romance you so desperately craved in your life.

Chae stopped playing her guitar, you looked over to see why she stopped and she was on her phone, rapidly texting. It only took her a second before she was staring at you. She had a sly smile on her lips and you knew she was up to something.

"What is it?" You asked.

She smiled more, turning on her bed to face you. "You, me, the Bangtan frat tonight. They're having a little thing for Christmas. Come on, pleaseeeeee." She begged, sticking out her bottom lip in a pout. You knew that even if you said 'no' she would still drag you along. You might as well go willingly.

"Fine," you sighed, giving into her.

Her face lit up with excitement. "Thank god! I didn't want to have to drag you myself. Besides, it won't be so bad, Jimin will be there." She then turned away, going back to her guitar.

Of course Chae didn't know about what happened between you and Jimin. She didn't know that what she assumed to be reassurance actually made you feel worse.

Avoiding Jimin was hard on you. You missed talking to him and seeing him. And you knew that showing up at his party after avoiding him for over a month wasn't the best reunion.

—–

The house was dark, Christmas lights kept the insight lit up. It almost seemed romantic, the lights streamed through the rooms, giving off a gentle glow. It made you feel calm, for some strange reason.

You walked close to Chaeyoung, who seemed much too eager to be there. You followed her slowly, taking your time to take in the lights, basking in the romance of it. It felt funny to feel that way. You had felt so empty for months over the idea of romance. But here you were letting yourself be swept up in the idea.