inTOXICated

inTOXICated part one

You knew it had been going on too long before it even started. You knew it was going to end badly no matter what the outcome, there was no happy ending in relationships such as these. You knew it wasn't right. Yet, you didn't stop- you couldn't.

He was like a drug to you and you were merely fuelling your addiction to him. You needed him. In some fucked-up, twisted way you did. You needed him in your blood to keep you going. But that might just sound like the ramblings for an addict.

He was something you craved when he wasn't around. You yearned for his touch, his voice calling your name, his lips on yours...

——-

He came into your life unexpectedly. At first, you didn't even want anything to do with him. But as you talked more and more you found yourself falling for him and by then it was too late.

It all happened so quickly. You had no control. Suddenly he was there and you never wanted him to leave. For better or for worse.

He had been gone for two months. The last time you had seen him, he had been kissing you and telling you that he wanted to be with you forever. How he could see himself falling in love with you. You ate every last word up. You felt like the most important thing in the world to him. It was funny how two weeks after that when he left you crying alone in your room on your prom night after he ditched you to be with another girl. A girl that ended up turning into his girlfriend that same day. Leaving you to stare at your empty prom dress, hanging on the back of the door, wanting nothing more than to rip it to shreds.

He knew how to break a heart, that was for sure.

Yet, now you sat in the passenger seat of his car, after forgiving him for everything. Oh, how you were such a fool.

Your feelings never went away, though you wished they had. He had texted you a week ago and apologized for everything. You were probably a fool to believe it. Like a young child: gullible. But there was so much of you that did- that wanted to believe him. You wanted to believe that he cared for you still. That he wanted you the same way you still wanted him. Even after what he did to you.

So, there you were in his beat-up Honda Civic. Though he made it seem like the greatest thing in the world. In reality, it was a beat-up, golden 2002 Civic that hardly ran properly half the time. You never said anything about it though, you couldn't even drive.

You kept your head against the headrest, staring out the window into the darkness of the night. There was an awkward silence in the car you were trying to avoid. He was hard to talk to, you never really knew what to say to him, always too scared you would say the wrong thing. So, you kept your eyes out the window, feeling a little better about the awkwardness.

You didn't know where he was taking you. You didn't ask, you probably wouldn't know even if he told you. But you could guess that it was one of his typical "sex spots". The thought gave a chill down your spine. You didn't like the thought of him being with other girls. It just bugged you. You wanted to be the only girl he was with. But you knew better than to think you could be. You settled with being just another one of his girls. As much as it hurt.

You felt his hand touch your thigh, gripping down on the skin for a second. You felt a rush of heat come over your entire body, finishing at your core that burned up quickly, making yourself wet. Your reflexes sent you moving away from his hand. He noticed your reaction, pulling his hand away and placing it back on the steering wheel.

"Sorry," he muttered, under his breath.

You shook your head. "No no, it's okay," you said, your voice shaky. You wanted him to put his hand back. You liked it when he did that. But your heart was telling you that you messed up.