inTOXICated

inTOXICated part four

Time had passed since that night in your dorm room. Jungkook had come back to you. And you were his once again. You were locked back in the cage of your emotions and Jungkook was the one holding the key.

Nothing was made official, but you didn't think about it much. All you cared about was that Jungkook was back to you again. He was sitting next to you. You, and no one else. That was all you cared about.

You sat in the passenger seat of his car. Your feet on the dashboard, looking out at the rain that hit the windshield. Jungkook sat next to you, his eyes lost in the rain, watching the drops slide down the window, like a tear down a cheek.

You found yourself looking at him. Admiring his still expression. He looked so peaceful as he looked on to the distance. Part of you wished he was looking at you. You leaned back in your seat, letting your body become heavy.

The moment was still, it was calm. It was just you and him alone. The sound of the rain hitting the windows filling the comfortable silence between you. You looked out to the rain, your head felt light- thoughtless, other than one overwhelming feeling.

"Jungkook... I- I love you," you whispered, under your breath. A part of you not wanting him to hear your vulnerable words. But another part, wanting to scream them out loud to make sure he hears. To make sure he knows how you feel. This intense feeling you've been holding in for so long- too long.

Jungkook turned his head to you, his dark eyes looking almost glossy. His expression was very serious, his gaze nearly burning through you. You felt a piercing pain in your chest as he did, not knowing how to act or what to say.

The silence was killing you, but he wouldn't look away. You couldn't speak, you felt like all of your words were stolen from you. You stared at him, feeling your heart shatter. You knew, at that moment, he wasn't going to say it back. You had waited so long to find the words in yourself, to finally admit your true feelings to him. And when you finally did, he didn't say it back.

It hurt- it hurt a fucking lot. You felt like crying in front of him, to show him how much pain you were in. You had shown him a side of yourself that you had never shown anyone before and he couldn't give you anything back. You felt like you were dying, as you sat there, feeling like an utter fool.

"I'm sorry," he finally muttered. His words confirmed your fears. He wasn't going to say it back and you weren't sure he ever would.

You felt so stupid. So pathetic to think he would say it back, let alone actually feel it. Jungkook wasn't the type to fall in love. You weren't sure if he was capable of it.

You pushed yourself against the door of his car, contemplating just leaving. You couldn't bear to be in there with him. You felt like you were suffocating on the thick air. You needed to get out, you needed to breathe. You couldn't look at him, the sight of his still face made you feel like screaming. You slid your hand over the door, searching for the handle. Once you found it, you wrapped your shaking fingers around it and opened it. A rush of fresh air came over you and for a second, you could breathe.

You wanted to getaway. As far away from him as you could. Because running away from him meant running away from your feelings, and that's what you needed.

"What are you doing?" Jungkook called after you as you stepped out of the car. "Where are you going?"

You couldn't answer, your throat was clogged with incoming tears. Your eyes were already filled with them, they streamed down your burning cheeks as you walked off. Your legs felt weak but you pushed yourself forward, you needed to getaway. Rain poured down on your body, soaking your clothes. You didn't notice it. You turned out the sounds of him calling after you. You knew that if you listened long enough you'd go to them. You knew that if you went back to them, you'd be trapped in Jungkook's arms once again.