After Olivia

34

Bill's eyes opened to the darkness of night with the warmth of a body cozied up against his chest. The woman lay on her side with her back pressed into him, bedding pushed down and draped over her hip. His fingers traced her form where faint light exposed her bare flesh. The scent of her hair and the feeling of her skin beneath his fingertips was familiar. Comfortable. He could live in that feeling and never need anything more. 

The bedroom was not his own. Soft light snuck in beneath the door beyond the foot of the bed. Were it his room, the door would be to his right. A noise from beyond the threshold called for investigation. 

He shifted his body towards the edge of the bed, pulling the comforter and sheet up the woman's body. Bill slipped on a pair of pants and quietly exited the foreign room. 

"I hope I didn't wake you." Olivia's voice was barely a whisper. 

"No. I... Uhm, you didn't." 

"Liar! I could hear you snoring," she said with a laugh. "You always snore a little when you've had a few drinks." 

Bill hung his head the way he always did when Olivia caught on to his alternate realities. Those times when he used the last square of toilet tissue without replacing the roll or would claim he hadn't eaten the last Boston Cream donut. Technically she hadn't woken him, he was still asleep and dreaming, just like there was a fresh donut at the store, she just had to wait for him to run out and get it for her. A jury might find reasonable doubt to let him off with a warning. But she would tip her head forward ever so slightly and glare at him through the top of her eyes if he dared argue such a flimsy case. He knew better than to even try. 

He wondered if she knew that he had left a woman sleeping in the other room. Did she know where they were, and if so, would she tell him? 

Olivia hadn't visited his dreams in almost a week. Most nights were spent in a dreamless slumber with only one dream actually taking shape and lasting long enough to be meaningful. In that dream he had envisioned travels with Matilda at his side. Did Olivia know? She had said he shouldn't feel guilty about spending less of his day light hours pining over her. He could spend his dreams with her while focusing reality on a future with Matilda. Yet, that future lay in the room behind him while he stood facing his past. 

"Should we go for a walk, or something? We could go to Arnold's for ribs or The Rosebud." Bill's voice was shaky as he tried to find a way out of the unfamiliar apartment. 

"That would be rude; leaving Matilda here alone." Apparently, she knew. 

Bill turned and gazed at the door behind him for a moment then turned back to Olivia with the look of a scolded puppy. Shielding the door, hiding it from her view with his body hadn't worked. Hadn't covered up his shame. 

"Yes, I know she's in there. And, before you start with the apologies, I am not upset. There's nothing to apologize for." 

Bill hung his head low then took a single step forward as Olivia moved through the living room and sat herself on the sofa. Another step, followed by another, didn't narrow the space between them. With each stride the room distorting and expanding, pushing her further away. Each doubling the divide. He stopped and shuffled his feet backward barely half a pace and felt the bedroom door press against his back. Odd physics at play to remind him it was just a dream. 

"My mom was right, and you know it." Olivia leaned back into the sofa, turning her head to make eye contact as she waited for a response. 

Bill let out a defeated sigh and nodded. "I'm sorry. It isn't fair to either of you—" 

"Yes, that, but also, she'll be good for you. Matilda. She is exactly what you need right now. But these dreams... they aren't healthy." 

"What are you saying?"