[M] Star Lost || Changlix

25 - distance makes the heart grow fonder

Felix's POV:

Continuing on December 2

I've been waiting for a while outside the church. After mass was over, Changbin stayed back to talk to the priest about what's been going on. I wanted them to talk alone since I think he wouldn't speak the full truth if I was there. I know that they're both really close, but I'm just hoping that Father Michael doesn't say something to make him go backwards. That's why I've been fidgeting for the last twenty minutes, my leg bobbing up and down and my fingers twirling around each other.

I was so anxious that it was a relief when I finally saw him come out of the from door of the church. I smiled, standing up to meet him halfway. He was smiling at me too, which gave me more hope about what happened, but I quickly got worried when I saw how red and puffy his eyes were, "Hey, Bin..." I said softly, "You ok?"

He nodded, still smiling when he suddenly reached his arms out and hugged me. I scrunched my eyebrows together but didn't hesitate to hug him back. I felt him take a deep breath, the air he exhaled hitting the skin on my neck, "I'm always ok with you."

I smiled again when he said that, chuckling a little to myself as I rubbed his back. I didn't really know what to respond, so I just stayed quiet until he pulled away. He still had that cheeky smile on his face, saying, "Sorry you had to wait so long."

I shook my head, "Don't worry about it..." I shoved my hands into my pockets out of anxiousness, "Ready to head back?"

He nodded in response, and we started walking towards our houses. It was really quiet, and it was eating away at me. The last thing I want to do is ask about what happened back there. I want him to be able to talk to me about it freely instead of me bombarding him with questions. Obviously, the biggest question on my mind is how he feels about me, but I think I can wait for an answer. He seemed really tense as well, staring at the sidewalk like he was constantly thinking about something as we walked.

Whenever he would steal a glance of me, he turned away before I could catch him in the act. And then he would just smile down at his feet about something. The little action made me smile since he was so cute and shy. I don't think I've ever seen him this timid and flustered before, and I wanted it to be constant. Even though Changbin is usually the more dominant one between us, it's cute to see him like this around me.

Actually, I have seen him like this once before, and it was seriously the cutest thing ever. It was just a few days ago when we were studying at my house...

I felt Changbin's eyes on me again. We were both supposed to be doing the homework, but he keeps getting distracted. When I turned my head to him, he was quick to look away and pretend like he was doing his homework. I sighed, "That's like the fourth time..." I said, making him pick his head up. He pursed his lips when our eyes met, like he knew exactly what I was talking about, "Is there something on my face or am I just that handsome?"

My comment made his eyes widen while I smirked. He brought a hand up to rub the back of his neck, faking a laugh as I watched his cheeks blush, "Umm... Th-The second one."

I leaned closer to him, whispering in his ear, "That's what I thought..." I tilted my head and pressed my lips against his smooth skin, right underneath his ear. When I pulled away, he turned his head to me and kissed my lips. I backed away before either of us could melt into it, whispering, "Fuck me after you finish your homework?" And then winked right after that.

He smiled, nodding before kissing my nose and whispering, "Deal."

The little memory made me smile, the fact that I can make him flustered and shy with just a few sentences. But in this case, I'm not even saying anything. We were still silent when we got to my house, both of us pausing and looking at each other once we were at the end of the driveway.

"Hey umm... Before you go, I just wanted to say..." He started, my heart beating out of my chest. I was preparing myself to be shut down, but I got the complete opposite, "I like you. More than just friends."

I smiled wide. Oh my god, fucking finally! Thank goodness, their talk must've gone well, "M-Me too! Oh my gosh, I—"

"W-Wait... Lemme finish..." He interrupted me, making my heart sink to my feet, "I umm... I need some time to think about everything..." My smile faltered, "A-And I know it's probably not what you want to hear, but I don't even really understand myself right now. I don't think I could put myself into a relationship with another person when I barely understand myself."

My lips pressed together into a thin line, feeling the tears coming into my eyes. I sniffled to stop myself, quietly asking, "I-I think that's great, Binnie. Really, I do. But umm... W-What does that mean about us?"

He sighed, pausing like he was thinking carefully about what he was going to say, "Friends for now?"

I sniffled again, bringing a hand up to rub the tears out of my eyes. I nodded nonetheless, taking a deep breath to try and calm myself down, "Hey..." Changbin softly said, putting himself into my eyeline when I looked away, "I promise, I'm never letting you go, Lix. Father Michael just said some stuff that I really took to heart, and I thought it was really important..." He sniffled too, making me meet his eyes again. They were brimming with tears like mine, but his voice didn't stammer, "That doesn't mean I'm giving up on us, ok? I swear, I'm not."

When I looked into his eyes, there was something I've never been able to see before. I'm not sure what it was, almost like he was pleading for me to reply. I didn't say anything for a moment too long, and his bottom lip started to quiver, "A-Are you?"

I quickly shook my head, bringing a hand up to his cheek as I said, "Never..." I rubbed underneath his eye with my thumb, "I-I just want you to be ok."

He nodded, "I-I just need a week to myself. I need time to think."

I pursed my lips, "It's alright if you need more ti—"

"I can't wait longer than that for you..." He cut me off, letting a smile form on my lips, "One week. A-And then I'll just lay everything out on the table."

I nodded, "Ok, Binnie..." I pulled my hand away since he seemed calm again, awkwardly saying, "Have a nice day."

He chuckled lightly and shook his head, taking a step towards me and leaning forward to kiss my cheek. I closed my eyes, wanting to remember this because I know I won't be able to do this for the next week. The little sound of his lips leaving made my heart flutter, hearing him whisper, "You too." Before casually turning around.

When he walked down the sidewalk towards his house, I smiled when he periodically glanced back at me to see if I was watching him. I giggled to myself, shaking my head as I mumbled under my breath, "Cutie."

"I'm learning how to love myself."

- BTS 'Love Yourself'