Revelations Of The Souls

Where am I now?/ Is this what pain feels like?

Before I let you all read this, you should know that when I wrote this, I was in a very dark place at that time in my life. I was upset, and I felt each emotion you can think of while reading this write up. This isn't poetry which is beautiful and elegant. This is raw, harsh, and painful. This is what pain feels like, this is what despair feels like. Please be kind to everyone you know, you don't know what they may be going through.

Where am I now?

Blood in the water, blood on the mirror, blood on the bed, blood on the wall. Crack on the screen, crack on the door, crack on the floor, crack on the wall. The darkness threatens to swallow me up, it is a threat to my life. I choke on the poisonous fumes in the air, I shiver from the biting, bitter cold. The blood taunts me, it leers at me from its places. The cracks get bigger and bigger until I'm teetering on the edge of a ravine. The ravine is deep with no end as far as I can see, but it is better than the hell where I am right now. I jump in the ravine just to escape the taunts of the blood but I didn't know the ravine led to Satan's lair. I gasp, I shiver, I scream, I fight. 

I don't know where am I now. 

I don't know who am I now. 

These questions are meaningless here down in the deepest pit of hell. But a voice insists inside of me to find out where am I now. I guess I'll never know because this is a place you cannot leave. But a piece of my soul inside me mourns the loss of the person I used to be. The person is a memory now, just a fleeting shadow. It haunts me wherever I go. It has a grasp on me, it knows the real me. But the real me, Satan says, was just a hoax, a dream. This is who I am now, this is where I'm meant to be. But a part of me still asks the question, where am I now and where am I supposed to be? 

Is this what pain feels like?

My bed is soft as I lie in it, looking up at the stars I painted on the ceiling many years ago. The stars, to me, represented hope and light but now, now they're just stars. Stars which are part of the billions in the universe, there's nothing special in them now. My bed is soft as I lie in it, tears streaming from my eyes, choking from unsaid words, a sob building in my throat, my hand as a noose around my neck. I lie in my bed as if I'm lying in my grave, silent yet screaming a thousand words. The voices in my head are synchronized, all reminding me of my desires, my wants, my failures, my distress, and my pain. My bed is soft but my pillow is wet, the sheets are crumpled, all in disarray, like the mess in my head. I want to shout, to scream, to yell, to release the tension, the pain, the cacophony of voices in my head. They hold me down, prisoner to their desires. I am captive but I want to be free. I am imprisoned, but I want to spread my wings and fly. Is this what pain feels like?

A/N

Remember, always be kind to yourselves and I'm always here for you if you want to talk<3