at least I have you

Chapter 17

Marcus POV:

I lay in bed looking up at the rusty ceiling. I couldn't get that image out of my head, the image of Buddy in his pool of blood, traumatized and suffering, falling in and out of consciousness. No, I wouldn't sleep tonight, not today. And I'm sure nobody else could, not after seeing that happen.

"Marcus?.."

I sat up on my bed. It was Ainsley...

"I can't sleep..." she said holding a pillow between her arms.

I moved over to the other side of the bed to give her some space for her to lay down.

"So you're back?" I asked.

"I don't know what you mean... of course I'm 'back" she replied jokingly.

"No, I'm being serious..." I continued, "Ainsley, where were you?"

"Somewhere," she replied, getting comfortable in her pillow.

"Did you hear about—- the news?" I stuttered, I wanted her to know but I didn't want to be the person to tell her.

"Yea I did," she said numbly.

I stood there shocked, I expected something more grieving, but instead she just shrugged. She showed no emotions at all.

"Aren't you—- shocked?" I asked.

"I was at the moment, now I guess I accepted it," she said. I wanted to know what was up with her, why was she acting so strange all of a sudden. Maybe she was always like this. Either way, I wanted to know what was wrong, she wasn't telling me everything.

"Your dad told me that you disappear every time something bad happens?" I mentioned. She just chuckled.

"I just want you to know that you have people you can talk to, you know? I'm always here for you," I said. She gave me no response.

We stood there silently for awhile.

"It's not that easy," she murmured.

"How come?" I asked. There was another long pause.

"My mom was the only one I would talk to about my feelings," she responded. "Now that she's gone... it's different."

"I'm not trying to compare my problems to yours but—- I was also really close to my dad, I would tell him everything," I said, trying to comfort her. I was never really good at comforting people.

Ainsley sighed, held both of my hands and faced towards me.

"I'm going to tell you something I've never told anybody, okay?" She said in a serious tone.

"Not even my father knows"

"Okay—" I said.

"Ever sense my mom died, I've felt this— guilt" she started. "I hated myself so much after she died— because— it was my fault" she continued.

"Ainsley, I'm sure it wasn't your fault. Don't blame yourself for things you couldn't control-" she interrupted me.

"—no I'm serious Marcus,"

"How come?—" I asked.

"Because I was the one that killed her"