LONELY| Thomas Shelby

5.5

THREE MONTHS LATER.

AFTER THE COUPLE, made it home from their holiday, Cyril included, Tommys PTSD had suddenly came back to haunt him. His head was flooded with work but instead with images from France and Beth watched in horror every day as he'd randomly fall to the floor screaming and shouting or he'd wake up in the middle of the night in near tears, his night terrors of France back again after years. The more he tried to hide it, the worse it got and as Beth's baby bump began to prominently show, the more scared he got.

Beth was simply heartbroken, with her first child on the way at a scary rate, she was simply terrified and wanted nothing more than her soon to be husband to return to his old self. Tommy rarely slept and when he did he insisted on sleeping downstairs so he didn't scare Beth but it scared Beth even more each night she had to rush down the stairs in tears to see Tommy screaming on the floor, stuck in a trance. The drink and drugs only intensified his problems but Tommy refused to listen to Beth's attempts of helping until Charles found him in his study.

It was a cloudy evening in the manor and Beth sat in the living room, reading a book in front of the fire when a loud crash came from Tommys office, the sounds of glass breaking ringing through the house. Beth huffed, placing her book down as she pushed herself off the couch and made her way toward the office to find Charles standing in the door. "Charlie." Tommy called, attempting to sit up but Beth quickly ushered the child out and up to bed with one of the maids. "What's happening to daddy?" Charles asked, staring up at Beth with his big brown eyes.

"Nothing lovely, daddy's just fallen over. Go up to bed and you can talk to him in the morning." Beth cooed, watching the small boy run off through the manor. Opening the office door, she let herself in to see Tommy leaned over, sobbing as he stared down at the floor. "Tommy my darling." She murmured, making the man aware of her presence as he stood up to hug her through his sobs. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Tommy repeated, as Beth held him tight, kissing his head. "I know babe, I know but it's gone on for way too long now."

Tommy stood back, a look of mock hurt on his face as he attempted to stutter out an excuse as he wiped at his eyes. "It's okay. Just no more drinks. No more drugs. Final and then I will forgive you and Charles will forgive you." Beth uttered, glancing down at his blood covered hands. "I know- well I know your going through something Tommy. But that little boy who just seen his dad covered in blood on the ground, he needs you more than anything right now. This baby, growing inside me, she's going to need her daddy sober." Beth paused, wiping his tears from her face. "I'm scared Tommy. I'm having this baby and I need you."

"It's winning. The thoughts. The memories in my head everytime I close my eyes. I can't-." Tommy sighed, looking up at her with his watery blue eyes. "I know my love but you have to fight them off, eh? Like you did during war and after. You need to come back to me, Tommy. Same way you did at the bloody train station all those years ago. Come back to me Tommy." Beth whispered, smiling sadly as he shook his head. "I will never deserve you Bethany Clover." He uttered, pushing her hair back from her face as his hands skimmed down to be placed on her baby bump. "Shelby." Beth corrected, watching as Tommy himself grinned.

"No more drink and drugs." Tommy nodded, pulling himself together. "Now you have it." Beth smiled, hooking her arm around his and pulling him up and out of the office. "Now let's just clean your hands and sober you up before you aunt Polly comes, eh?"

•

Tommy stuck to his word, the next morning at breakfast he apologised to his son, explaining to him how he 'fell' over and how he was all fine now. Charles grinned, glad to have his dad sitting a breakfast and after they had all eaten, Beth and Tommy took him out to the stables. Charles ran ahead as Tommy and Beth walked slowly immersed in chat as they stopped at each stable to pet the horses. "Do you have any baby names yet?" Tommy asked, a small grin on his face as Beth's eyes widened. "I suppose I was so preoccupied in having everything I need for a child, I never thought of a name."

"This horse, this was the horse I named after you at the races. 'Beth's beauty'." Tommy recalled, petting the brown horse that nudged its head against Beth. Beth grinned, rubbing the horses nose. "We should think of a pretty name together. Something we both like." Beth hummed. Tommy nodded, grasping her hand tightly as they walked through the stables. "I still can't believe we're having a baby together." Tommy huffed, a small smile of his face. "About time, just means you'll have to marry me this time. Only took us decades." Beth teased, poking at his side.

"A baby, a wedding, a good life." Tommy murmured, squeezing her hand again as they shared a look before laughing like kids. "I can't believe we went from, you writing me love letters and us sneaking down to the docks to meet up as teenagers to us sticking together all these years later and finally having our own family." Tommy nodded at her words, glancing down at Charles who ran toward them. "Mum, dad! Come look at the fish!" Beth flushed awkwardly at his slip. Charles knew Grace was his mother but still nonetheless practically grew up with Beth.

Tommy smiled happily, watching Charles take Beth's hands and begin to pull her down toward the fish. It wasn't their ideal picket fence, American dream lifestyle that he had wrote about giving her in his love letter all them years ago but Tommy Shelby couldn't have been happier. They had a baby on the way, they were getting married, life had suddenly felt too perfect to be real and as the sun shone down on top of Charles and Beth who stood looking at the fish, Tommy couldn't help but thank John who he knew was looking down on them.

Although he wasn't religious, Tommy had a feeling when Beth looking over at him with a wide smile of her beautiful features that John was giving her the life she deserved.