A poem for my "FIRST" that didn't last.

Confession #4

I wasn't okay, I am not okay.

I used to be good at pretending fine.

Used to be damn good at staying noiseless,

But, acting as if I am a strong pillar,

As if I am the mightiest star of all-stars,

Just leave open scars in my heart.

And I tried to stitch what was already open,

But, they weren't just ordinary scars,

Those were the marks after you pierce a sword,

And screwed me with your nasty intentions.

Why did it sound like you were the bad guy?

You weren't, none of us were like that.

I'm sorry how you've turned into a mess up man,

Because of me, it's all because of me.

I was sorry for liking you, I really am,

But hey, was I at fault for feeling that way?

If not, please tell me I wasn't at fault.

I keep thinking, keep thinking of myself,

Always having the thought that I was the bad one,

Now I'm regretting what I did but I wanna hear you,

Hear you say out loud that it wasn't my fault,

And that I shouldn't regret what I've done.

My heart's too heavy that I can't do anything 'bout it anymore.

Not even a few glasses of tequila or margarita,

None of them will help me find peace in me,

I can't even look at you straightly like before,

How can I face you when I'm clouded with pain?

How can I start a conversation with you when I ain't okay?

Or do you want me to stay like this forever?

Or do you want us to be each other's ghosts for eternity?

Don't be too cruel, I know you are not.

Don't be too hard, I know you are not.

I'd rather get lost in the woods,

Than to lose someone as precious as you.

You were indeed my shining star,

But, please don't be dim on me,

Be my twinkling star every lonely night,

As I watch the starry night.