⛓ • we'll never have sex ;; peter ballard ;; ❤︎

two

He's holding you. Squeezing you to his chest so tightly you think you'll pop, and you relish in his attention and warmth. You thrive in his seemingly never ending orbit even when the voice in your head is hissing at you, begging you to move.

You don't listen, blocking the small voice out to focus on the man in between your arms. Sleeping peacefully while crushing you with his weight, solidifying the fact you aren't able to move, at least not without him knowing.

You like this, you need this, you want this more than life itself. Your nails drag through his locks, scratching his scalp lightly to soothe him and you resist the urge to jump when he shifts against you and suddenly blue eyes are staring into yours. Peering into the safety of your thoughts and seemingly dissecting you.

You tense, holding your breath and waiting for something to come. Wether that is good or bad you're not quite sure, what you don't expect is him leaning back and sitting on his heels— pulling you up with him until you're sitting upright.

"Have you ever wanted to leave here?" He mutters, his knees pushing into your thighs and spreading them apart deliciously. And your eyelids fall half lidded as you glance down, appreciating the sight of him pressing you open before he steals your attention with a call of your name.

It's steady and demanding, and you listen even though you're not sure you want to. Your eyes meet large pools of sky blue, and you shift clearing your throat and looking past his head and at the clock. The hands are moving, you note to yourself quietly. "Uhm, sometimes?"

Peter's head tilts to the side and his eyes narrow. His hand reaches up and before you know it two fingers are holding your face, keeping it there and forcing you to stare directly at him. You already know what's wrong, it almost seems to ring through your head as your heart clenches in your chest.

That wasn't the answer he wanted. Not at all, and if it wasn't the answer he wanted that means it wasn't the right answer. It was the wrong answer.

The wrong answer.

Wrong answer.

Wrong.

You nibble on your lower lip out of habit, biting into the already worn flesh as he glares down at you. His lips pressed into a firm line as he invades your space, leaning over you until your back is arching into him and you're sure you're going to fall into your plush pillows.

"Yes or no."

He knows the answer, you know he does. He knows you better than you know yourself most days, and so you're sure he's just trying to pull a story out of you as if you're a hat with a bunny inside.

"Yes..?- What does this have to do with anything, baby..why can't we just- just like, you know..talk? Have a normal conversation for once.." You're whispering— begging even and when you meet his eyes, you can tell that he's angry. Scoffing and chuckling at you as if he's waiting for you to take back a horrible joke you made about his mother.

"You want a normal conversation? Hm? Want me to ask you your favorite color, animal and the like? That's what children want..are you a child?" You hate the way his condescending tone reminds you of when you actually were a kid, small and feeble and weak with god awful parents and even worse friends. But he's not wrong, he's never wrong is he?

"No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." You mumbled, your chest growing heavy as your vocal cords strained under the weight of your emotions. You're clearly bothered but before your feelings can warn you about the man hovering above you, he is already coaxing you back into the false haven he has created for you.

"You never do, darling. And I was not upset with you, just simply..confused." He hummed, easing backwards and giving you room to breath. Peter's eyes fixate on your heaving chest and as he speaks he does not make an effort to meet your eyes. "Have you ever dreamed of having a family? Children, perhaps?"

You clear your throat, and nod. "Yes." Peter's eyes finally bore into your eyes, and he smiles softly. His legs press yours further apart, forcing you to spread them to accommodate his body mass.

"How many?"

"A lot, wanted to have some and adopt some. I figured it wouldn't ever happen, so I stopped thinking uh, about that." His hair is framing his cheekbones and face, making him look almost otherworldly in this lightning. The bright LED lights outlining his form in glowing white as he grins.

You wonder why he is asking, and you assume he's setting the stage for something larger. Giving you a taste of his thoughts so you'd be ready for something bigger, something better.

"Would you do anything to leave this place and to live out that dream?"

The question catches you off guard, and you're not sure how to respond so you stare blankly at his face. Waiting and praying that your thoughts catch up to you faster than his impatience does. Your lips spread, and what flows out of them is not a lie or a truth. "Yes.."

He smiles immediately after you say that. It was what he wanted to hear, and he makes a big show out of making sure you know you did good. Peter hugs you to him and sighs, you hear his voice rumble in his chest as he speaks.

"I think I have formed a plan..you will go with me, won't you? You'll help me when you can?"

You lean back from his chest and look over his face in disbelief, your eyes wide and your mouth nearly falling open. He can't be serious, this place is riddled with guards of all sorts. Peter sees the hesitation in you, you know he saw it from the second you removed your head from his heartbeat and it's proven when his lips are drawn down and into a frown. "Do you not trust me, do you not believe in me? You would if you really loved me, if you love me you'd do anything I asked of you."

You cry out, the sound painfully scratching your throat as he pushes you back and away from him by your head. But he's leaving and you don't have time to focus on the roughness of his touch. You're desperately grasping onto his sleeve, panic filling you as he tries to walk away from this, from you.

You hold onto him, wrapping yourself around his arm and yanking him back and further into your room. "I love you! Of course I do, I was just surprised- please Peter.."

He does not falter in his struggle to get away from your needy touches, going as far as to elbow you directly in your stomach. You bend in half immediately, holding onto your stomach and you submit to him with teary eyes. "Okay, I'll do it just please don't leave."

"Well why didn't you say so?" You resist the urge to argue, to say that you tried to tell him. You remind yourself that silence is golden in situations like this, and you don't utter a word when he pulls you into your once warm sheets.