⛓ • we'll never have sex ;; peter ballard ;; ❤︎

ten

Lately, you've been plagued with nightmares. Visions of horrible things, hallucinations threatening to snatch everything that's just in reach from your finger tips.

You sat in bed, knees drawn up to your chest and your heart beating hard against your chest as you look at the clock expecting it to go faster. You watch the hands move and try to keep calm as you slowly slip further into your sheets.

They're warm, and yet the thought of going to sleep in them is not comforting. It had been about four days since the incident between you and Peter, and ever since then, sleep has not come easily to you.

Proven by your eyebags and the way you stare at the ceiling longingly, praying that god will hear your cries and keep the nightmares away no matter how childish it seems.

The lights are on, you're far too afraid to turn them off after the night before. You remember having turned them off after getting out of the shower but while you were walking to your bed something pulled at your ankle from underneath your bed frame.

It had caused you to fall and drop the towel you had wrapped around yourself at the time, and your legs were yanked into the darkness until you felt a soft breath against your heat— much like a sigh. And then your eyes had flown open to see you had fallen asleep in the corner of your shower, steam suffocating you.

It was enough to bring you to leave the lights on and start taking cold showers, though it didn't do anything to stop the trepidation filling your core. Tainting your reason, and taunting you.

You were worried it began to affect your work, each time Brenner would come into your office asking for some child's medical records he would stare at you longer than necessary. His eyes lingering on yours before he'd leave with a nod.

You pulled the sheets up to your shoulders, laying on your side while curling in on yourself and staring at the wall across from you. The blank wall provoked nothing from you, your anxiety still buzzing safely in the pits of your stomach.

And suddenly you realized that you really missed Peter, and maybe if he was here this wouldn't be happening but that was besides the point.

The point was there had to be a reason for this, a logical reason.  That's what you kept telling yourself to keep yourself somewhat sane, you weren't losing it. You were in your right mind and these hallucinations came from an outside source— they must have.

And then your lights flickered, you sat up quickly. Breathing heavily and looking around your room, too soon was the safety of the light torn from you and you were enveloped in darkness.

You could feel your heart harshly beating in your throat, and you swallowed thickly— hands tightening into fists and twisting the blanket that laid in your lap.

Your chest heaved as panic filled you, triggering your fight or flight and melting you down into a shaking worried mess. Suddenly you were forced onto your back, multiple figures stepping from the darkness.

You recognized them, each of them co-workers that had suddenly disappeared after Brenner catching word of misconduct from them all. You wheezed, going to pull yourself up into a sitting position when you were forced back down, the air in your lungs being forced out.

Their hands reached for you, holding you down onto your bed. Your ankles and wrists pinned as you struggled and screamed. A blood curdling sound that could leave anyone clutching their ears and yet you didn't stop.

You screamed and fought, feeling as if you were going to puke as pressure built up in your chest— you struggled to breath. Your back arching like a woman possessed as you yanked at your limbs, teeth baring as your fear turned into something wild. It turned into rage, and sizzled back down into being terrified far too fast.