Stray Kids | Sickfics

Sick | Changlix

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Changbin's pov

"Hey Lixie, what are you doing tonight?", I asked, maybe a bit too excited but who cares. We have dance practise until noon, but after that we have the day free. I watched Felix sipping on his water bottle, seemingly to be in another universe.

I asked him again.

"Oh sorry, hyung, uhm I don't know yet, perhaps I'll just stay at the dorm."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Really? We're all going out to eat tonight, don't you wanna join?", I said, smiling softly at him.

He didn't even look at me.

"No, it's all good, I'm just so tired these days".

I know. Whenever we have something big coming up, he changes to a complete different person. He works nonstop, barely eats and his cute, fluffy side fully disappears, which is the worst.

At least for me.

We are planning to film the MV for our newest song next week and for a few days I witnessed Felix becoming more and more tense and uneasy. But the most worrying part is that I've not seen him eat for a few days now and you could see that he lost a few pounds in a very short period of time.

"Okay, but if you change your mind, let me know!", I said to Felix, who was still looking away.

Not long after my members came into the dance studio, getting ready to practise the choreo.

While dancing I kept an eye on Yongbok, who was clearly struggeling to keep up with the beat. He made one mistake after another until Minho lost his patience and scolded him for messing up.

I watched with pity in my eyes as Felix ran out of the studio, slamming the door behind him. We were shocked at his reaction.

"W...Was I too mean?", Minho stuttered, instantly regretting what he said to Felix.

"It's fine, Minho, I think he really has a bad day and you know that he's drained more than ever in these times", I eplained.

"But he seemed so lost today! We've practised the steps for a while now and he knows the choreo by heart! Does anyone of you know, what's going on with him?", Chan asked, looking in each member's eyes.

Silence filled the room.

"Uhm, I don't know, but what I know, is that he refuses to eat anything", Seungmin said quietly.

"To be honest, I can hardly recognize him for the past few days", Jisung admitted.

We exchanged concerned looks and I could see the fear in their eyes for their member.

"I should go and get him", I said, already leaving the studio.

I searched all the toilets until I found Lix sitting on a bench outside of the building.

"Lix, what the hell are you doing out here?", I asked out of breath.

He flinched but didn't react to me at all. I sat down beside him, laying my arm around his shoulder.

"Felix, please tell me, what is bothering you? We're all concerned!"

He turned his face towards me, which made me gasp at once.

He had no emotion in his face, his freckles faded and I could no longer see the gleam in his eyes.

"Felix, say something please, you honestly scare me!", I panicked, slightly raising my voice.

Felix looked down again, taking a deep breath.

"I...I can't do this Bin", he said, his voice so quiet, I could barely hear him. Tears have formed in my eyes.

"W...What?"

Felix looked at me again. "I..I think I'm g..going crazy, hyung", he exclaimed, now breaking into crying.

I immediately pulled him into a hug, rubbing sothing circles on his back.

He sobbed uncontrollably and clung tightly to my chest. I felt helpless and I couldn't figure out what he meant by going crazy.

After some comforting, I carefully pulled him away, forcing him to look me into my eyes.

"Tell me, Lixie, tell me everything", I whispered.

The boy infront of me sighed and wiped his tears away.

"I don't know how to tell you that", he said with a shaky voice, "I..I'm scared..of..of myself, ....or rather t..the voices in my h..head".

I was taken aback at his confession, but Felix just continued: "They are telling me to do things, hyung, HORRIBLE things!" He cried out loud, putting his head in his hands.

I didn't notice that I was crying, until I felt tears running down my cheeks.

It made me feel miserable, almost nauseous to hear how broken he was.

I should have realized it on my own, I should've prevented that, I should have protected him, my little sunshine. It's my fault.

It's all my fault.

I didn't even want to think about what he has done to himself. I pulled him into a hug again.

"Lixie, I'm so sorry that I wasn't there for you. B...But why didn't you tell me earlier?"

I sobbed loudly. "I just thought you w..were anxious because of the fi-"

My emotions were overwhelming me, I couldn't even finish my sentence.

Felix was shocked, as he has never seen me as such a mess.

"No, Binnie, i..it's n..not your fault! The voices started a..about last week a..and I didn't want to worry anyone". He exhaled deeply.

And what now? I tried to think about comforting words or come up with a solution but my mind just went blank. Instead I just held Felix as tight as I could, never letting him go again.

I didn't know what to do or what to say, but I was there for him now. I wanted to help him so bad, although I didn't know yet how.

I felt myself calming down, quickly typing a message to Chan to come outside. He always knew what to do, always had an answer to a question, always eager to help wherever possible.

I layed down Felix' head in my lap, as I could hear his steady breathes. I was still in shock about his confession, but I'm glad that he told me the truth.

"We will help you, Lixie", I whispered softly into his ears, "I promise, you're going to be okay".

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