Amortal Song

1. Amortal

Calypso

And in the end, I always learn how to be strong. Alone.

"Goodbye," I whisper as the sand trickled over my feet, the waves washing away as I watched him sail onward on his journey home, leaving me alone on Ogygia, the place where the moon seemed to kiss the gentle waters.

Odysseus had his Penelope while I had no one as the sullen year drew to a close, ready to open up a new page of another curse.

I'm always dying but never dead.

Because I love and they're taken from me as soon as the darkness draws me in as I sleep, plummeting me down into another life for a year. A year. I vow never to love but then love finds me anyways, a symptom of the wretched curse that always hangs over my head like a storm cloud, never reviving like a spring storm but adding more weight to a burden.

But I always survive and fall in love again, still bearing the grief of a lost life.

I stood there on the shores, the looming fact of the day watching over me as I watched Odysseus' figure vanish into the distance, the red streaks of the sun dying into the never-ending waves of pain. I didn't allow myself to cry, instead, shutting off the part of me that wanted to give in to the sorrow, and making my way back to the cave- relishing the last drops of sunlight I would see in this life and allowing the stars to light the heavens.

Had I really lived 17 different lives? Or was all of this a dream that never seemed to end?

I didn't have an appetite anymore, my stomach twisted into knots of worry and pain to notice and hunger pangs that may have been there.

"It's okay. I knew you'd leave anyway. If they don't leave first...I always end up doing it." My last words to him echoed in my head and I felt a small shred of guilt for sounding so heartless and faded because I knew the truth. He was never mine.

But why did losing him break my heart?

I hugged my arms tight to myself as I settled into a small pile of woven blankets I had made in this life, knowing I wouldn't be able to take any of it into the next. The flashbacks would come soon but I wasn't ready for them just yet, instead, keeping the stupid hope of staying on Ogygia with its blue seas and white sands, my weaving loom, and the small harp that I kept next to me- a lonely life but a quiet one no less.

If I stayed then I wouldn't fall in love again.

And that's all I wanted in the world.

I wanted to stay where the moon is the brightest thing in the night sky and the stars you can see so clearly, like holes shinings down the light from the heavens.

I gripped the blanket covering me tighter as I felt the pull of sleep starting to overcome me, trying to sway me into accepting my next life, my 18th one. 18 years since I came of age and I hadn't aged a bit, no smile lines or changes, all an effect of the curse. That was the ache of knowing I would never grow old with anyone.

The dreams were coming, the flashbacks vivid of the happiest lives, as the darkness came in like waves, pulling me away from another world.

Rocking a baby, Noela, a sweet thing with strawberry-blond hair who had her father's eyes... Sailing around the ocean with a husband and cat, so vivid the smell of salt in the air... An island tribe, spending long days roaming the beaches and the green jungles, the dew fresh in the air and sticking to the rich, emerald green leaves... "You're the one for me," he whispered in my ear as we strolled through the streets of Paris, the fear of war looming over Europe... Smiling up at someone saying, "Call me crazy but I think I'm in love with you."