The Tale of David Patrick Gardner

Do You Wax?

Not much happened in the life of David Patrick Gardner during the weekends. Routine ruled the day. He made a habit of walking to Shay's Diner on Saturday mornings, where he indulged in his favorite dish, The Irish Scramble. It wasn't just one thing that caused him to return week after week, it was the whole of the experience, the two and a half mile walk between his rented room and the restaurant was the perfect distance, the informal family-like ambiance of the place put him at ease, the more than decent food, and the fact that he passed by several beauty salons on the journey made it just right for Mr. Gardner. And with his new found wealth he was considering making this a twice weekly excursion, adding it to his Sunday schedule as well.

With a full stomach, David began the walk back towards his humble home. Passing by the first salon that appeared on the route caused his mind to project scenes connected to the phone numbers recorded in his little notebook. He hurried his step as these imaginations became more vivid, contributing to the growing bulge in his nether regions. Excitement was building and he couldn't wait for the thrill of the unknown paired with the most primal of desires.

After nervously fumbling with his keys he finally made entry into his room, locked the door behind him, and sat on the old tattered sofa. He pulled the notebook from his backpack, withdrew a badly outdated cellphone from his pocket, undid the button on his trousers, and was ready.

He wanted to start with a new one today because there was less of a chance that his number would be blocked or his voice recognized by an annoyed receptionist on the other end of the line. First up, Hawaiian Beauty Salon. His heart beat increased as he listened to the ringing. After a few seconds he heard a voice.

"Hello, Hawaiian Beauty Salon this is Heather speaking."

"Hi."

"Hello, this is Hawaiian Beauty Salon how can I help you?"

"Hi, I have a question."

"Okay, and I hopefully have an answer."

"Do you see male clients?"

"Yes, of course. Are you interested in making an appointment?"

"Yes, I think so," David said as he began masturbating with his head reclined, imagining the voice on the other end of the line was there in front of him, ready and willing to fulfill all of his sexual desires.

"Are you looking for..."

"Waxing! Do you wax men?"

"Yes, we offer a full range of services from..."

Before she could continue David once again cut her off, "Do you wax men's penises and balls?"

"Uh-huh, it's called a Brazilian, and yes."

He was approaching climax less than a minute after dialing the number and desperately wanted the woman to remain on the line until he finished, but he couldn't think of anything else to say that would prolong the conversation. His heavy breathing became audible over the phone. The woman asked, "Hello, are you still there? Did you want to make an appointment?"

"Yes, tell me more about the wax."

"Like about the products we use? It's an all natural..."

"Yes. Say David! Say David!" he pleaded into the phone with urgency as hot spunk began to spray onto his t-shirt.

"Excuse me..."

David ended the phone call, pulled up his pants, unlatched his locked bedroom door and walked suspiciously into the bathroom to wash his hands, hoping that none of the home's other residents would stop him with useless chit-chat before he was able to conceal himself in his room once again.