The Tale of David Patrick Gardner

A First Date Unlike Any Other

Wasting no time David called Katy the next day. She was glad that he did. There was something about him that was attractive, intriguing. She wasn't exactly sure what is was, but she was drawn to him like a moth to light. They arraigned to meet that evening when she got off work. And she was certain to make it clear- this time it was to be just the two of them, no Miles.

David was not accustomed to spending time in bars, or in social situations of any kind. Pre-date nerves were present but in a pleasant way. He was thrilled to be going out with a woman. He never really thought that something like this would happen in his life. He put on his favorite t-shirt and jeans and left the house exceedingly early to make sure he wouldn't be late.

He arrived at the tavern without incident, made it to the bar, and once again wasn't asked for ID before ordering a Two Towns cider. The bartender placed the can on the polished wooden counter-top along with a chilled glass. David, underage and lacking any experience in these situations, was unsure if the glass was meant for him, so he left it at the bar, afraid of a potential conflict if he walked off with a glass that was intended for someone else.

Arriving forty five minutes early may have been a mistake. He finished his first cider quickly, then had another, and was onto his third by the time Katy appeared.

He didn't see her when she entered, and she caught him off guard as she sat down beside him, leaning over for a more than friendly embrace.

She had been debating the topic in her head all day long. Can I actually fuck this guy, she asked herself. Her decision had changed from a resounding Yes to an Absolutely Not at least half a dozen times since confirming the date that morning. In the current moment she was unsure what she would do. It was clear that David was not exactly normal, but he didn't seem dangerous, just weird. Physically there was nothing at all she found objectionable, in fact, she thought he was rather sexy, in a, 'he's hot and he doesn't even know it' kind of way. Would it be wrong for her to fuck him? What if he had the IQ of a grapefruit? She felt fairly sure that he was intelligent, just different in the way he perceived and interacted with the world. But what if he was technically retarded? Could she just come out and ask what the hell was wrong with him? These and other questions filled her head and made it impossible for her to decide decisively what to do. She'd just have to wait and see how it all played out.

David was more engaging and talkative than she'd expected. It didn't take long to discover the reason why.

"Do you think I'll get sick if I drink another cider? I've heard that people get sick and throw up if they drink six."

"I think you'll be fine. Do you feel okay? I'll buy the next round. Do you want the same?"

"What's a same? I'd like another cider," he said, pointing to the nearly empty can in front of him, before adding, "I'm hungry. Are you?"

"Kind of, not really though. Do you want me to order a burger or something at the bar? We can split it."

"Yes, please."

Katy took a deep breath as she strolled to the bar. She ordered the cider, a martini and a shot of Wild Turkey for herself. She downed the shot at the bar, out of sight of her date. She'd felt more than a little self-conscious about her drinking ever since she lost a long-term boyfriend over a series of rather embarrassing of blackouts it in her early twenties.

When she walked back to the table with their drinks, David immediately shocked the shit out of her.

"Who is Jason anyway? Have you murdered him yet?"

"What?!" blurted out the woman, choking on her words and nearly spraying martini from her mouth.

"You told me you're going to murder Jason. How's it going?"